Last Blog On The Left

So, like I promised you a couple of days ago, the next movie I would review would have a couple of deaths in it, right? I can also make good on the promise I made about it containing nudity as well. Hell, it even has some full frontal scenes! Mostly with this muscular sailor-looking guy Tom Hardy but what the hell, you can´t have everything, right?

One of the most interesting directors working in Europe today is without a doubt Nicolas Winding Refn out of Denmark. He´s responsible for the fantastic “Pusher”-trilogy, the bleak “Bleeder” and the mindfuck-of-a-movie “Fear X” starring John Turturro and now “Bronson”, starring one Tom Hardy. Now, this is one weird movie. It´s based on Britain´s most famous prisoner, Charlie Bronson´s memoirs.

This Bronson fella has lead a pretty bizarre life. He started out, born as Michael Peterson and was initially incarcerated for 7 years after robbing a Post Office but this sentence turned into a 34 year stretch after numerous cases of violence in prison. Of these 34 years 30 were spent in solitary confinement. In his short period outside he assumed the fighting name of Charles Bronson, after the movie star. It is this Charlie Bronson-character, not Michael Peterson that we get to know during the course of this film.

Now, if you´re not familiar with Winding Refn´s previous work, you might go into this expecting a movie along the lines of “Rock´n´rolla” or the awful “Rise of the Footsoldier”, which I saw recently. Well, if you do that you´re in for a treat. This is not your typical britcrime-flick and if you´re expecting something along the lines of Guy Ritchie´s cockney-rhyming flicks, you´re shit out of luck!

Winding Refn has constructed such an original piece of work that I´m having problems just describing it to you. The DVD cover has a quote from some fucker saying that it´s “A Clockwork Orange for the 21^st Century!” but if you think about it, didn´t “A Clockwork Orange” take place in the future i.e. the 21^st ccentury? Which would mean that “A Clockwork Orange” is “A Clockwork Orange for the 21^st Century!”, as they so succinctly put it on the cover? Am I wrong? Of course not!

Anyway, I have to admit that they are not totally wrong when they draw the comparison between “Bronson” and “A Clockwork Orange”: both works deal with the British penal system and how it affects those who are put through it, but in very different ways. I´ll admit that both movies are pretty theatrical in their execution but “Bronson” is a much more flamboyant and emotional movie. Let´s face it, good old Stanley Kubrick wasn´t known for his vulgar displays of great emotions, huh? His movie is a pretty cold one whereas “Bronson” elicits the viewer to feel much more.

One thing that the two movies have in common is that they both have a spectacular lead performance. We all know that Malcolm McDowell was pretty damn good in Kubrick´s flick but I´m gonna level with you: he got nothing on this Tom Hardy guy! I´ll admit that I wasn´t familiar with his work before watching the movie but afterwards I had to imdb this fucker to see what he´s been up to before this one and it turns out that he´s the guy that plays Captain Picard´s evil twin in “Star Trek: Nemesis”. Now, as far as I can remember that was a pretty shitty installment in that franchise and I have no recollection of his performance. He also had minor roles in “Layer Cake” and “Rock´n´rolla” as well but I can´t say that I noticed him… until now, that is. His performance as Bronson is so electrifying that it´s virtually impossible to take your eyes off of him!

Naturally, this movie will remind you of the fantastic “Chopper”, starring Eric Bana in a role that he will never top, and I´ll be honest with you: no matter how good “Bronson” may be, “Chopper” it ain´t, ok? These two movies cover a lot of common ground and share many touchstones, one of them being that both movies have a fantastic performer in the lead but when it comes to autobiographical crime flicks, “Chopper” is the shit, ok? It´s the “Rocket to Russia” of crime movies!

But there so much about this film that is great! One of Winding Refn´s many great moves is that the movie is narrated by Bronson, on a stage in what seems to be some sort of old concert hall. Hardy is great in these scenes where he really gets to act out but it´s in the few scenes where Bronson is not incarcerated that he really gets to shine.

On stage we get to see Bronson how he wants to be perceived: as an entertainer, a performer, and accordingly the audience laughing maniacally at his jokes. However, it´s when he´s released and travels home to live with his parents that we get to see the “real” Bronson. This is a man who´s spent most part of his life in either prison or insane asylums and it´s pretty clear that this man has no idea how to act or how to carry himself in the outside world. He looks almost cartoonish when he´s walking down the street. Needless to say, he´s not too well versed in interacting with women either and that becomes painfully obvious in a couple of scenes.

Winding Refn is one of these directors that no matter if you like his movies or not, you know that by the time it´s over there is at least one or two scenes that you know you will never forget. For example, try to think about “Pusher 3” without seeing the backroom-slaughter in front of you? It´s the same with “Bronson” and I´m not talking about the many violent scenes here but the scenes with a drugged up Bronson in the insane asylum! The scene with the inmates dancing to Pet Shop Boys has a surreal Kubrick-ian quality to it and I dare you to not think about that scene the next time you that damn “It´s a sin”-song.

If you watch the trailer for this one before the movie, I wouldn´t blame you for thinking that this is a straight-up prison flick. That is not the case. There´s no shivs being stuck into someone´s back, there´s no gang rapes in the shower and there´s no stand offs between different ethnic groups. Winding Refn has managed to make a movie about a man who´s spent the majority of his life in prison, without the usual prison movie clichés. I know, it sounds impossible but it has been done, ladies and gentlemen. This is instead a movie about a broken man with a broken soul. You can´t help but wonder if Bronson had been provided with a creative outlet earlier, what it would have become of his life. You know, kind of like that old “what if” with Adolf Hitler being denied studies at the local Arts Univeristy. Would he have gone on to being responsible for killing millions of human beings? Damned if I know. Maybe he wouldn´t and maybe Charlie Bronson wouldn´t have ended up in prison, there´s no way to know for sure but I think that there´s definitely a good chance. Hell, if I wouldn´t be sitting here writing this, as we speak, God knows what I would be up to? I´d probably be out roaming the streets, murdering hobos and robbing old ladies while injecting heroin. Everybody needs a creative outlet. At least it´s cheaper than a damn therapist. But alcohol works wonders too. Maybe that´s the real problem: Hitler didn´t drink! If he only would´ve been introduced to the wonderful world of alcohol, he wouldn´t have had the energy to unite the German people in an effort to annihilate the jews. We´ll never know, will we?

Anyway, like I mentioned earlier one of the usual prison movie staples is the homosexual rape, right? It´s not a prison movie if there isn´t at least one of ´em! The weird thing about “Bronson” is that even though there´s no homosexual rape on display, there are quite a few characters that appears to be homosexual and I´m not sure what Winding Refn is trying to say with this. For instance, Paul the boxing promoter appears to be a flaming homosexual, as do the arts teacher who takes Bronson under his wing. Bronson´s uncle who we meet in one scene has a certain low rent Hugh Hefner vibe to him and I´m not sure what his sexual orientation is. I´m guessing that this is just another way of showing us, the audience, how Bronson perceives the world around him. It´s a heightened reality we´re dealing with here. Christ, Bronson himself looks like a cross between a strongman at a circus and Daniel Day Lewis as Bill the Butcher in “Gangs of New York”.

So, even though Winding Refn doesn´t offer up any direct answers on what it is that makes Bronson tick or why he´s behaving the way he does, this sure is one entertaining look at a fascinating individual. Not anyone I´d like to get to know any closer, I´ll tell you that much but it sure as hell is entertaining. You know, kinda like “Chopper”, come to think of it. Make a double feature out of “Chopper” and this one and make up your own mind, ya big freak!

Until next time: take scare!

Thomas

Ok people, time to get serious here for a while. I sat down and thought about which movie I was gonna recommend to you and I gotta tell ya, I´ve watched a lot of horror movies this summer but there haven´t been that many that have been particularly good. “Header” which I´ve been hearing a lot about for three years now and how brutal and insanely sick it was supposed to be, was a disappointment populated with over-the-top-acting and DV camerawork. “Scarce” was even worse! “The Children” was a chore to sit through and so on… You get the drift, right?

I don´t know if it has to do with me getting older and losing my patience with these kind of movies or with the fact that since the advent of DV, horror movies really has become increasingly weaker in quality. I guess that´s just one of the great mysteries in life that we´ll never get the answer to, like the meaning of life and where Donald Trump´s hairline starts and ends.

But you know, I haven´t limited my movie-watching to just horror movies, no Sir! I have a confession to make: I have a weakness for slow burning dramas with a melancholy twist, ok? After all, I am Swedish which means that it´s dark 10 months a year here and that I got my mother´s milk with a side order of Ingmar Bergman-flicks, ok? So naturally, I have a penchant for dark and moody movies.

So here´s the deal, one of the best movies I´ve seen this summer is James Gray´s wonderful “Two Lovers” starring Joaquin Phoenix, Gwyneth Paltrow and Vinessa Shaw. This is a fantastic film and one of the more realistic dramas I´ve seen in a long time. Well, maybe it´s not realistic in the sense that one guy manages to meet two great looking ladies like Paltrow and Shaw in the space of one day but hey, this movie takes place in NYC and maybe that kind of shit goes on over there, what the hell do I know.

Leonard (Phoenix) is a burned-out case, living with his immigrant parents after his fiancée left him, helping out at their Brooklyn dry cleaners, taking photographs and slightly suicidal. In quick succession, he meets two women: Sarah (Shaw), the daughter of his parents’ associates and, his neighbor Michelle (Paltrow). Michelle is in love with a married man and cries on Leonard’s shoulder while Sarah seems to want to save him.

Now, I´ll admit that this is a frustrating movie. I´m sure that we´ve all known a girl or two like Michelle in our days; the kind of girl that seem really fun to be around, a girl who´s impulsive but also alarmingly aloof and unattainable. That´s what so great about this film is that Gray manages to address this phenomenon: the need people have for saving and taking care for the one they love! You don´t see that very often in films but it happens around us all the time. Leonard wants to “save” Michelle and Sarah wants to “save” Leonard. This is nothing unusual, right? It happens over and over again and that´s what makes this movie such a painful experience at times: the fact that you know that if Leonard pursues his feelings for Michelle, you know that it can only end in tears.

That´s one of the things that James Gray is a master at: the inevitable outcome of things! If you look at his previous movies “Little Odessa”, “The Yards” and “We Own the Night” they´re not particularly groundbreaking movies, ok? I´ve pointed this out many times before but they are all fantastically well made movies and Gray is not interested in breaking up the narrative in a non-linear way, like so many of his contemporary filmmakers are. Gray feels more like a 70´s director, almost old fashioned in the way he tells his stories. It doesn´t take much to figure out how his stories will end but it´s impossible to look away because you´ll definitely wanna know why it happens, ok? That´s what so great about him! Hell, just watch “The Yards”! You kinda get the feeling that you´re watching a Greek tragedy, don´t ya? I can´t think of any other director working today who manages to create movies that feels both contemporary and classic at the same time.

Another thing that makes this movie worth watching is the fact that it´s not a simple movie. It´s squarely aimed at a mature audience and deals with complex feelings. I know that´s it´s the biggest cliché ever but it´s kinda like life itself, you know. And say what you will but this James Gray guy is one hell of a director when it comes to actors. He knows how to assemble them and every single actor in this movie is pretty fantastic, not only the main three. But let me tell ya, I´ve never been that fond of Gwyneth Paltrow and I don´t find her particularly appealing but she hasn´t been this good since her turn in Paul Thomas Anderson´s “Hard Eight”. I still thinks she´s a very annoying human being but at least I didn´t entertain thoughts of murdering her during the course of this film.

When I first heard about this movie I was overjoyed: “Great! A new movie by James Gray, so soon after “We Own the Night”! Fantastic!” Let´s face it: it was six years between Gray´s first movie “Little Odessa” to “The Yards” and seven years from that one to “We Own the Night”, so I wasn´t expecting anything from him very soon. But lo and behold, then it was announced that he and Phoenix was going ahead with this one and I jumped with joy. Well, maybe I didn´t jump, exactly. More like “stood up” with joy. I´m not the jumping kind, if you know what I mean. But anyway, I was pretty excited to hear this news, only to become slightly worried when I learned that this movie was supposed to not feature a crime element. I´ll be the man here and come clean: I thought that this was the end of James Gray´s career. I thought “What the fuck? The man makes the best crime movies in America and now he´s gonna go make a misty-eyed drama called “Two Lovers”? Count me out…”

Well, people… I am happy to report that I was wrong! This movie is pretty impressive and I can only applaud Gray for having the courage to make a movie like this in this day and age and treating it as serious as he does. There´s no winking at the audience, none of that shit! Gray has the talent and courage for treating his subject matter with the utmost respect and seriousness and that´s actually pretty liberating. That does not mean that this movie is devoid of humor. There´s quite a few funny moments, most of them involving Joaquin Phoenix´s character, Leonard. For example, the opening which depicts Leonard´s half-hearted suicide attempt by jumping into the ocean sounds pretty bleak, right? It´s pretty damn funny though, when Leonard is saved by a couple of by-passers. They ask him what happened and he answers that he fell into the sea. A kid then says “No, I saw him jump!” Well, you can imagine how awkward that situation would be: you´ve just failed at committing suicide and is confronted with the fact that you couldn´t even get that right. The look on Phoenix´s face when he walks away is priceless.

Isabella Rossellini is pretty funny as well as Leonard´s worried mother. The scenes with her peeking under his door are hilarious.

So, like Gray´s previous films he´s managed to create a very moving, unpredictable story with characters that feels incredibly real and flawed but there´s something that distinguishes this from Gray´s other work and that is the fact that in this one he actually has some pretty profound things to say about the human condition and how love affects people. Gray is interested in why does people not go for what they actually need; why does not Leonard fall for Sarah the same way he does for Michelle? Because Sarah´s exactly what a guy in his condition needs! I´m not saying that Gray offers up all the answers for this weird behavior but he manages to depict it in a truly captivating way.

Now, if this actually turns out to be Joaquin Phoenix´s last film and chooses to spend the rest of his life looking as a cross between the UNA-bomber and hippie-era John Lennon, it is truly a loss for movie-goers around the world. Hell, I don´t care about what other films the guy would make as long as he kept starring in James Gray´s films. It´s obvious that the two of them has a good thing going and there´s no rap record, or whatever the hell it is that he´s trying to have everyone believing that he´ll make, in the world that´ll compare to the quality of work he´s doing here!

In this movie Gray pretty much shows us how life in general is one long struggle with loneliness and this earnest, emotional side of him as a director is something that has only been hinted at in his previous films. I can´t wait to see what he does next… as long as it´s not a fucking rap record, I´m happy.

Thanks for baring with me. I promise that the next movie I review will contain at least a couple of death scenes and one or two mutilations, ok? Hell, maybe even some nudity, you never know!

Until next time: take scare!

Thomas

I love movies that show you parts of the world that you´re not familiar with. Whether it be the back rooms of some casino in Las Vegas or the kitchen of a police station, it always makes the movie more interesting, I think. For instance, the one scene that I remember most vividly from Keanu Reeves´ comic book movie “Constantine” is the one where he went to talk to a friend who worked at a bowling alley and met up with him behind the bowling pins! That´s what I´m talking about, that´s a place that I´ve never seen in a movie before! That is also the case with the movie I wanna talk to you about today, 2003´s “Kontroll”. It´s set in the subway system of Budapest. Sure, I´ve been in Prague´s, Stockholm´s and New York´s subways but never to Budapest and that´s part of this movie´s charm: at times it´s pretty outlandish but somehow you buy into that this could actually happen in this particular subway. Here´s the story:

Bulcsú and his motley crew of ragtag metro ticket Kontrollers must patrol the trains that run the commuters of Budapest back and forth and with daily ritual, check that no one dare come down into the subway for a free ride. Being a controller in the Hungarian subway system is no picnic. One of their nemesis´ is Bootsie who´s made it a sport to ride for free and then outrun them, not to mention every other civilian who doesn´t wanna pay for their ride. But not all of them are bad. A girl in a rabbit suit has caught Bulcsú´s attention. On top of this there´s also a guy who´s pushing people in front of the trains…

So, as you might´ve figured out being a ticket controller in the Bulgarian subway system isn´t the easiest job in the world. Now, for those of you out there with a masochistic streak who happen to frequent this site, might remember a while back when I talked about my aversion to riding on the subway? It has nothing to do with me having some bad experiences with controllers or anything like that, it´s just that I am very uncomfortable with traveling underground. Maybe that´s why I have a fascination with movies that take place in the subway? You might remember how I rambled about “Creep” here and “Midnight Meat Train” here. Same thing with “Raw Meat” and the original “The Taking of Pelham One-Two-Three”, I love ´em!

And guess what? “Kontroll” is no exception! It´s a pretty great film but not only because it takes place in that dreaded underground labyrinth known as the subway but because this guy Nimrod Antal is one talented fucker (despite his name which suggests otherwise)! After all, this is his first movie and he´s managed to gather a great troupe of actors (everyone of the characters comes across as likable but flawed) and he´s got a great eye for framing a shot. No wonder Hollywood came calling after this one. You see, after this one Antal directed the underrated “Vacancy”, which praises I´ve also sang in this godforsaken blog and it´ll be really interesting to see what he comes up with next.

“But is this movie worth seeking out?”, you ask. Definitely! Since this movie takes place entirely in the underground subway system, Antal manages to create a sense of isolation from the rest of the world which feels pretty original. This is a separate world from the one you and I spend our daily lives in and the longer the movie progresses, Antal infuses the film with a fairy tale sensibility. This is enhanced even more when the girl in the bear suit shows up, only to disappear soon after. You kinda get that whole “Alice in Wonderland“-vibe going on.

Like I mentioned earlier, this Antal fella knows how to frame a shot, right? Well, after doing some serious research I found out that he´s background is in photography so now wonder this movie looks great, huh? There´s another reason right there for you to seek it out, right there.

Antal also manages to rack up the tension pretty good at times. The whole storyline about the guy who´s pushing people in front of the trains is pretty scary, actually.

One of my favorite sequences is the one where Bulcsú and a rival controller goes “railing”. This basically consists of two guys running on the subway tracks from one station to another after the last train has passed but before the “real” last train, that doesn´t stop at any stations, passes. Antal manages to make this an incredibly tense scene, told strictly from the point of view of the onlookers who waits at the end station.

But the most impressive thing about the movie is the balance between “horror” and humor that he manages to find. There´s a lot of humor in the movie but it´s mostly character-based, thankfully! There´s no slapstick a´ la Asian movies here! There´s one really funny recurring bit about one of Bulcsú´s co-workers a narcoleptic and keeps falling asleep whenever he gets too riled up. You can imagine that being a controller, it happens pretty often.

I don´t know about you but it´s not that very often that I watch Hungarian movies and maybe that had something to do with why I was so pleasantly surprised. It´s always good to see a European movie that manages to sidestep the usual clichés of world cinema! There´s no brooding or crying in this movie and it´s surprisingly quick-paced, as well. Hey, at least if you watch it you can always hang around the coffee machine at work and tell everyone (at least the chicks) that “You know, I watched a Hungarian movie last night…” That´ll make you seem like a deep and sensitive intellectual guy and which girl doesn´t like that? Hell, you can even lie and say that it was a black-and-white movie, I won´t tell on you. Then you´ll really have ´em eating out of your hand.

So there you have it. “Kontroll” is a great mixture of different genres that Antal manages to balance pretty well. It´s got a murder mystery, comedy and hell, even some romance! The one thing I did have a problem with was the soundtrack. Ever since “Trainspotting” I´ve had a problem with movies that uses loud techno on their soundtracks! Who the hell enjoys that kind of music? I guess I´ll just chalk that up to me being a whiny old bastard.

You know, at times this movie reminded me of the works of Franz Kafka, which I professed my love for a couple of weeks back. The character of Bulcsú could easily have been called Josef K and the world of the subway transit system has the same surreal flavor as the one Kafka´s characters usually inhabit.

But I´m still skeptic when it comes to riding on the subway, I don´t think any movie will ever change that, unfortunately. I wish they could start making some movies that takes place entirely on trams now. Buses got their due in “Speed”, right? I´d die to see an action thriller that takes place on a slow moving tram. Talk about high concept…

Until next time: stay ghoul!

Thomas

Ok, here´s a movie that I watched a long time ago but never got around to telling you about but you know what they say: all good things come to those who wait! I don´t know who started that expression but I bet it was a parent who was really tired of their spoiled kid or some shit like that. Cause when you think about it, it´s one of the stupidest expressions there is, really. Anyway, as you might´ve noticed Hollywood has got a hard on for remaking movies these days. It can´t just be me that has taken notice of this phenomena, can it? It´s mostly horror movies that gets the redux-remake-reboot-reimagination-treatment but how´s this for an idea for a remake: how about a Korean remake of Sergio Leone´s western classic “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”? We´ll set in 1940´s Manchuria and we´ll call it “The Good, The Bad and The Weird”? How´s that for an idea, Hollywood? Pretty original, in my humble opinion! That´s what director Ji-Woon Kim (“A Bittersweet Life”, “A Tale of Two Sisters”) thought also, but rest assured that this is not a straight-up remake. Kim has taken the basic framework of the plot and really ran wild with it. What he´s done is that he´s taken the plot of the three bandits searching for the same treasure map, all the while being pursued by the Japanese army and Chinese bandits.

Ok, some of you geniuses out there might´ve figured out that this is a Korean movie (considering I told you that in the first paragraph) and although I appreciate Asian movies as much as the next guy, I still have my problems with them most of the time. For instance: why the hell does it always feel like you can cut out at least half an hour from every Asian movie that you watch? They´re always at least two hours long and that´s one half hour too long and “The Good, The Bad and The Weird” is no exception to the rule, even though this movie is entertaining as hell itself and it has one of the greatest opening scenes I´ve seen in a long, long time! Let´s just say that it involves a steam train and leave it at that, so it won´t be ruined for you. But it´s a bit too long but I´m willing to accept that because this really is one entertaining fucker of a movie! Kim´s camerawork is insane in this movie! The camera defies the rules of gravity constantly and this oughtta make filmmakers like Tarantino crap themselves with envy. I have no idea how Kim came up with these ideas or how he pulled them off but the result is pretty damn spectacular.

To be honest, the best way to describe the feeling that this movie convey is that of those movies you used to watch when you were a kid. Remember the first time you watched “Raiders of the Lost Ark”? How insanely entertaining it was and the fact that the movie´s pace never let up had you cheering out loud? That´s kind of how “The Good, The Bad and The Weird” feels. This is a funny movie and it feels like Kim has tried to create a two hour long tribute to adventure movies in particular and cinema in general.

One thing I do have a problem with, and this is also one of those things that seem to be a general trait in most Asian films are their weird sense of humor. Let´s just say that it´s not the same as mine. They have a weird way of mixing things up with a suspenseful scene but then a character can come stumbling into it and fall on his ass and start farting and burping and shit like that and it´s obviously supposed to be funny as hell! Well, forgive me for not subscribing to that policy of humor. I don´t know why Asian filmmakers insist on having this element of really low brow humor in their movies but what the hell do I know? They say “tomat-o” and we say “tomat-oe” or however the hell that old saying goes. This element is present in “The Good, The Bad and The Weird” but at least it´s not as much featured as in say, a movie like “The Host”, fortunately.

Now, I have to digress here for a moment, ok? Time to discuss one of the weirdest things about this movie. There´s a scene where one character tries to break into a safe, ok? Nothing too weird about that but in a close-up we are shown that this particular safe is of the brand “Franz Jaeger”. Now, unless you are from Sweden or Denmark you may not be too familiar with this name, so let me give you some background: In the 60´s and 70´s there were a very popular Danish franchise called “Olsenbanden” about a gang of bumbling criminals which were extremely popular in Denmark. In every movie they were trying to rob this rich guy and break into his safe, which were of the brand “Franz Jaeger”. This is supposed to be one of the safest safes in the world, according to the movies. So, the years went by and in the 80´s these movies were adapted to a Swedish franchise called “Jönssonligan”, which were extremely popular around the time I grew up. The name of “Franz Jaeger” had been carried over from the original franchise to this one.

“Ok, so it´s a well known safe” you say but that´s not the case. I´ve been doing some research here, my friends (after all, I am a super-serious writer) and have come to the conclusion that there is no safe with that name! It was invented by the creator of “Olsenbanden”, Erik Balling, for the first movie. He took the name from a German still photographer whom he had previously worked with. So that has to mean that someone on the crew of the Korean movie “The Good, The Bad and The Weird” is either a huge “Jönssonligan” or “Olsenbanden”-fan and frankly, I find that weird as hell. I didn´t know that these movies had ever been shown outside of Scandinavia. It´s just such a bizarre thought: the idea of Ji-Woon Kim sitting around his apartment, laughing ass off at Scandinavian crime-comedies…

But enough of that shit but if it turns out you´re a huge “Jönssonligan”-fan, you should probably check out this flick. So should the rest of you, by the way! This is a huge, epic, entertaining, violent film that moves along like the steam train from the movie´s opening scene. There´s some spectacular cinematography in this movie, especially the scenes with the motorcycle chase in the desert. At times it feels like if David Lean had decided to direct an action movie. That´s how big this movie is its scope, ok?

I can guarantee you that a lot of people will complain that there´s no substance to this film and that it´s all style and no heart but honestly, who the hell cares about shit like that when its style is as good looking as this one? This movie is like a mix between Leone´s spaghetti westerns, Indiana Jones, “Lawrence of Arabia” and the Mad Max-movies and if that doesn´t float your fucking boat, I don´t know what the hell we´re gonna do with you…

Say what you will about remakes but this one is definitely proof that not all of them has to be awful. After all, don´t forget that even Sergio Leone himself dabbled in remaking films, with “A Fistful of Dollars” which is based on Kurosawa´s “Yojimbo”, and if a director of Leone´s caliber is prepared to do it then there´s really no reason to dismiss a remake without watching it, right?

So until next time: Take scare & stay ghoul,

Thomas

You know when you get those questions like “Who´s your favorite director?” or “What´s your favorite band?”, they´re almost impossible to answer but if someone were to ask me who my favorite writer is, I think I´d be forced to go with Franz Kafka. He wasn´t very prolific and he wrote mostly short stories but I keep returning to them again and again. There´s not that many books I´ve read more than once but Kafka´s work seem to improve the more you read it. I´m sure that many of you out there think that he´s overrated but I´ll tell you why I love him so much: his sense of humor! That might come as a bit of a shock to some of you, depending on how familiar you are with the life and times of good old Franz, but the general opinion of him seem to be that he was one morose fucker, wandering the streets of Prague, writing stories that would make you want to kill yourself upon reading. That is not the case, people. In real life Kafka was quite a popular guy at social gatherings and when he had one of his rare public readings of his work, people reportedly had a hard time keeping from laughing out loud, including Kafka himself.

You see, if you look at his work as pitch black comedy, it all makes sense! Kafka was one of the masters of mixing horror with the-blackest-of-the-black comedy. He was a pioneer in this field. I dare you to read his famous novel “The Metamorphosis” where a guy wakes up one day to find that he´s turned into a bug, and not laugh at the passages where Kafka describes how he tries to roll over.

This brings us to the film I wanted to recommend to you today, “Kafka”. This is a weird flick. It was directed by Steven Soderbergh, right after his breakthrough hit with “Sex, Lies and Videotapes” and it stars Jeremy Irons in the role of Kafka. Now, this is not a straight up bio-pic. Pretty fucking far from it, to be exact! Here´s what it´s about:

Kafka works an insurance worker (pretty much as in real life) and writes in his spare time. One day, his friend goes missing and he gets embroiled in an underground group after it turns out that his friend has been murdered. The underground group is responsible for bombings all over town, attempting to thwart a secret organization that controls the major events in society. Kafka eventually manages to penetrate the secret organization and must confront them.

I am not sure if Kafka had a friend who was murdered but I am pretty damn sure that he did not infiltrate a secret society which controlled Prague. I can´t say I´m certain, though. I don´t know what these fuckers were up to back then. You gotta remember that Absinthe was all the rage back then and that is one fucked-up drink, my friends. So you can´t be too sure.

All kidding aside, as you may notice Soderbergh chooses to mix elements from Kafka´s literary work with that from his real life and I think the result is pretty amazing! It´s shot in glorious black-and-white and it looks absolutely fantastic. Oh, and Prague has got to be one of the most beautiful cities in the world and if you wanna shoot a movie where the main character´s paranoia gradually increases, Prague is your town. Those buildings and the way Soderbergh lights them is like an old German expressionistic flick on amphetamine! Visually, this film is a masterpiece.

Now, you may think that you need to be some sort of a Kafka scholar to appreciate this flick but I guarantee you that that is not the case. You just need half a brain, which I´m sure all of you have, right? Unless you haven´t drank it away. But it does help if you are familiar with his work because Soderbergh throws in a lot of references to his writing in the movie. For instance:

• Kafka´s co-worker who gets murdered is called Eduard Raban, which is a character in the novel “Amerika”
• In the movie Kafka is assigned two very peculiar, nervous assistants who totally lacks a sense of humor. These character are straight out of “Blumfield”
• There are passages of the dialogue in the film which is lifted from his novels, particularly from “The Castle” and “Description of a struggle”
• The character of Bizzlebek (played by Jeroén Krabbé) makes reference to Kafka´s story “In the penal colony” and at one point Kafka himself tells some people that he´s working a story about a man who turns into a giant bug, “The Metamorphosis”

So as you can see, it will definitely make you appreciate the movie more but don´t let that stop you. Hell, you could see this one as an introduction to the work of Kafka, as well. This is in no way a true depiction of Kafka´s life, although the character of Kafka shares some traits with his real life counterpart like the fact that he has an aversion to marriage and he´s not too close to his father, but the spirit of the film is as true to Kafka´s work as I´ve ever seen. It really catches that sense of helplessness when faced the bureaucracy and red tapes of the powers in charge. The longer the film goes on, the more surreal it gets and at the end it reminds me of Terry Gilliam´s masterpiece “Brazil”, which is heavily influenced by Kafka´s writings. Hell, Ian Holm (whom you kids might remember as Bilbo Baggins in a certain trilogy about a fucking ring or whatever the hell it was about) plays a role here that´s not too dissimilar from the one he played in “Brazil”.

What I really like about this movie is the fact that Soderbergh manages to capture that feeling of no matter what the characters tries to do, they can´t influence their outcome, that permeates Kafka´s writings. Jeremy Irons plays the confusion and paranoia perfectly, especially in the scenes with his boss (played by Obi Wan Kenobi himself, Sir Alec Guiness).

Say what you will about this Steven Soderbergh guy but he is one versatile fucker! I mean, look at the movies he´s directed: “Sex, Lies and Videotapes”, “Schizopolis”, “Out of Sight”, “The Limey” (which is a spectacular film!), “Erin Brockovich”, “Traffic”, “Solaris”, “The Ocean´s Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen”-movies and now that “Che”-flick about Che Guevara. If you look at these titles it doesn´t take a genius to figure out that these are pretty god damn fine films, right? I mean you gotta at least like a couple of these movies, huh? If you don´t, I have no idea what you´re doing reading this page. My personal favorites are “Out of Sight” which is one of the best Elmore Leonard-adaptations yet, “The Limey” which is sort of a spiritual remake of John Boorman´s masterpiece “Point Blank” and “Traffic”, which I´m sure you´re familiar with. The thing I´m driving at here is that if you like any one of these movies I´ve mentioned here, you should give this “Kafka”-flick a chance. I know what you´re thinking: “I´m not gonna spend an hour and a half watching some fucked up, black and white movie about a boring writer I´ve never even read!”

But don´t let the fact that this is a black and white movie fool you! This is actually a pretty accessible film that manages to be both a gripping thriller and a black comedy. If you´re at all into David Mamet´s thrillers, like “Spartan” and “The Spanish Prisoner”, I think you´d might like this one. So what if you don´t get all the answers at the end of the movie? You can´t have it all, friends…

And don´t forget: it´s not paranoia if they´re out to get you!

Take scare!

Thomas

So, you´re faced with about 8 weeks off from work and the summer has arrived. So what do you do? Choose to spend it in the sun, trying to get that perfect tan? Naturally, you try to cram as many movies into the space of one day as humanly possible! The summer is perfect for catching up with those flicks you have lying around but haven´t gotten around to watching. I pulled out one of those the other day and I can´t for the life of me figure out why I haven´t watched this one earlier ´cause it´s really good! It´s called “No Such Thing” and directed by Hal Hartley.

I can´t claim to be a particularly huge Hal Hartley fan, ok? He´s one of those directors that manage to make interesting movies filled with quirky characters but that somehow manages to be pretty dull, to be honest. I mean think about it: “Amateur”? “Flirt”? “Simple Men”? I think they´re prime examples of the kind of movie I just described. Sometimes I get the feeling that he´s trying to be an art house director for the sake of being art house, if you catch my drift. Or maybe it´s just me that´s too stupid to understand what it is he´s trying to communicate. The one film I did enjoy was “Henry Fool”. I thought that was a genuinely funny film and Parker Posey was in it, as well, and I might as just come out and admit it: I have a thing for Parker Posey. I´ve had that ever since I saw “The Daytrippers” and “Waiting For Guffman”. I don´t know what it is but I guess that after watching way too much American independent flicks in my late teens and early twenties, there´s gotta be some repercussions, right? And mine is that I have a weakness for Parker Posey. The other day, she brightened an hour or two for me when I finally watched the remake of “The Eye” starring Jessica Alba. When I realized that Parker Posey was in it I kinda got my hope up that this one might be worth watching. Unfortunately, it wasn´t. Don´t bother with that one, friends! There are plenty of other movies worth watching if you want a Parker Posey-fix, ok?

Anyway, that may have been part of the reason why “No Such Thing” has been lying on my shelf, sight unseen, for about six years now: I´m just not that eager to watch a new Hal Hartley movie, ok? But you know, I´m the kinda man that can admit when he´s wrong and god damn it if I shouldn´t have gotten my ass off the wagon earlier and watched this one ´cause it´s a truly interesting picture with some fantastic performances in it. Here´s the setup:

Some time after a three-man television news team disappears after being sent to Iceland to investigate reports of a `monster’ living on a rock island just off the coast, the station receives a tape recording from someone claiming to be the monster himself, describing in graphic detail what he did with those dispatched to find and film him. The Boss (Helen Mirren) of the news department, in her quest to give the public the `worst news’ possible, agrees to send another employee, Beatrice (Sarah Polley), to Iceland to follow up on it, since Beatrice was engaged to the cameraman of the crew gone missing.

Well, said and done, Beatrice travels to Iceland and locates this horrific monster (played with relish by Robert John Burke). It seems that the monster has always been around and the locals have been keeping it docile with human sacrifices every now and then and plenty of whisky and vodka. You see, this is not a happy monster. But then again, which monster is a happy camper? But this one is particularly grumpy. Remember, this is a monster that has been around for centuries and have observed human kind ever since we decided to crawl out of the ocean (he reveals this in a stunning monologue) and if you think about how grumpy old men can act and behave when they´ve lived close to 80 years, imagine if you´ve been around since the dawn of time! Christ, you´d be the grumpiest fucker on the planet, wouldn´t you? Not to say that he hasn´t accumulated a certain amount of wisdom but the bitterness and sadness has gotten a hold of him. And what do you do when you´re faced with an eternal existence of darkness and feeling blue? Naturally, you turn to your one true friend, alcohol! That´s exactly what this monster does… with a vengeance!

I´m not sure what Hartley is trying to say with this, if this is some sort of anti-alcohol message he´s trying to communicate but if you´re into that sort of shit I guess that you could read it as that. I, on the other hand being a true rebel, choose to ignore that and instead identifies with the monster. That´s how I roll, baby!

This is just one of the things that make this film so original: the monster´s alcohol consumption. You didn´t see an alcoholic monster too often in those old Brother Grimm´s fairy tales, did you? I think it´s a pretty clever way of Hartley to show how the monster is struggling with his own conscience and how it´s torturing him. This makes the monster more human than the humans in the movie but in a much more interesting way than in any old fucking remake of “The Beauty and the Beast“, ok? Throw some addiction in the mix and it´ll work wonders on your movie.

Of course this gets turned on its flipside when Polley´s character brings him back to New York City and he meets the press and becomes a celebrity. He gets treated like a rock star and naturally he starts to act like one, drinking maniacally and at one point even trashes a hotel room! That´s a wonderful scene when the monster walks into his room, all dressed up in a designer suit and he swaggers in, looks around and first throws a big vase of flowers on the floor and then heads for the TV set.

I can´t begin to tell you how amazing Robert John Burke is in this role! Before this one, I´ve almost only seen him in roles where he´s played sort of “numb” characters, men with almost no personalities, like in “Simple Men”, “Dust Devil” and of course as RoboCop in “RoboCop 3” (i´m betting that´s not a movie that gets too much space on his resumé). That´s how I´m used to seeing him and he does that schtick very well but in this one he really gets to show what he´s capable of. He oozes personality and discontent and he´s nothing short of spectacular! The fact that he´s covered under a lot of makeup makes it even more impressive. He pulled off a similar feat when he performed under heavy make up in Stephen King´s “Thinner”, come to think of it.

As I mentioned before this movie was released in 2001 but I think it´s more current now than what it was back then. Hey, do you even remember 2001? That was when they made that big Space Odyssey and when a couple of planes crashed into a small building known as the World Trade Center. Since then a lot has changed and particularly in the media. Before 2001 and internet we had the usual media bringing us the news: TV, newspapers and radio, right? But with the rise of the internet there are a lot more players on the field and everyone wants our attention and that is something that concerns me. How does this affect their news coverage? Probably the way that Hartley shows us in this picture: everyone is trying to top each other by bringing you the most miserable, most horrific, cruelest news! Why? Because that´s what grabs people´s attention. It´s sad but true and Hartley manages to weave this into his film in the way that Helen Mirren portrays the Boss for the news show. She´s not satisfied until the news is tragic enough.

I can´t think of another monster movie quite like this one! This is a different beast altogether, both the movie itself and the one in the movie. Hartley is not playing it for scares which mean that he doesn´t have to play by the standards and conventions that the genre usually offers up. We´re not kept in suspense of whom or what the monster is or what it looks like; this is divulged in the opening scene. Hartley gets that one out of the way immediately which means that we can focus on what kind of character this monster is instead. The monster is the main character in this story, it´s not some kind of villain lurking in the shadows like it usually is. Hartley has much more on his mind than that.

For instance, when the Monster is made public, one reporter asks about having a monster in this day and age: “Isn´t that a bit irrelevant?” he asks and after being asked this the Monster just leaves the press conference without saying a word. If you think about it, an old school mythical monster is completely irrelevant in this day and age, isn´t it? We have absolutely no need for them because we have so many other monsters in our world to worry about, don´t we? Many of them are created by the media on a daily basis and that´s one of the point that Hartley is making with his film.

But you know, all this high brow intellectualizing I´ve been doing here are not at all necessary to enjoy this flick. The beauty of this movie is that if you just wanna look at this as a variation on the beauty and the beast, with some black comedy and social commentary woven into it, that´s quite alright! You don´t have to interpret every single scene to enjoy it. Basically it´s a mellow, black comedy that´s really, really funny.

The best thing about the film is the fact that no matter how goofy or silly you may think the premise of the film is, before the film is over you´re really rooting for the monster. He´s basically just a guy who´s unable to adapt to his surroundings and let´s be honest here, people, who out there haven´t felt that at one time or another? It´s pretty heartbreaking when he realizes that “Nobody´s afraid of me anymore…”

This is a weird movie but if I know you fuckers right, that´s what you´re into, right? So do yourself a favor and seek this one out. It´s worth a shot! It´s just a damn shame that Hartley couldn´t find a role for Parker Posey in it…

Until next time: take scare!

Thomas

You know, once again I know that I am pretty late with this one and that everyone has reviewed the living hell (get it? “Hell” as in the title. Christ, I´m good!) out of this movie but it´s still playing in the theatres over here in Sweden and I urge to you watch it before it´s pulled, ok? Hopefully, you´re not too tired of hearing about this one already and that I can offer up some intriguing new insights thanks to my razor-sharp intellect.

Since I turned 30 a couple of months I have fully embraced the behavior of a grumpy old man. This has been going on for a couple of years now, actually. That is why I don´t go to the movies that often nowadays and if there is a movie that I really wanna watch, I try to go to an early daytime-screening. That´s the best way to avoid being seated in the middle of a bunch of teenagers who answer their cell phones, laugh and scream at each other through the whole movie! I don´t know about you but I´m not too fond of that type of behavior at the movies. I am of the firm belief that when the movie starts, you should shut the fuck up and watch it and if you absolutely have to say something to your friends, you whisper it, ok? That´s not too much to ask, is it?

But anyway, I don´t go to the movies very often nowadays. I do my movie-watching in the comfort of my own home, where there are no screaming teenagers who can´t stop babbling on the phone. But you know, every now and then, I am forced to confront and overcome the things I most deeply resent. Like for instance, when a moviemaking God like Sam Raimi decides to make a new horror movie. That´s when I felt that I can´t wait until this fucker is released on DVD. I had to see it!

That´s why I entered the movie theatre a couple of days ago, to watch “Drag Me to Hell”. Now, to say that my expectations were pretty high is an understatement, to say the least. After all, we´re talking about Sam Raimi here; the director of “The Evil Dead”-trilogy, “A Simple Plan”, “Darkman” and “The Gift”. Oh, and apart from these major motion pictures he did a couple of low budget, intimate art house dramas about a guy who starts to turn into a spider, sort of like Gregor Samsa in Kafka´s short story. Maybe you´ve heard about ´em? They´re called “Spider Man”.

Anyway, I won´t torture you with my ramblings any longer. Let´s get down to business. Did the movie live up to my expectations: Hell yes! “Wait a minute” you say! “Isn´t this movie rated PG-13? What the hell kind of a horror movie is that?” Well, it is rated PG13 but this isn´t the kind of horror movie that´s supposed to scare you for real, ok? We´re not talking “Alien” or “The Shining” here, ok? That´s the kind of horror movies that genuinely frighten you out of your wits, ok? That´s not what Raimi wants to do with this one, although there is no doubt in my mind that Raimi could do that if he wanted to. When it comes to manipulating the audience´s expectations, Raimi is the best! But you see, with “Drag Me to Hell” he wants to take us along for a roller coaster ride! We´re talking jump-scares a plenty here. That´s the kind of horror movie we´re dealing with here, kinda like “Evil Dead 2” did. I mean, let´s face it: it´s not like anyone was really scared while watching “Evil Dead 2”! Yet, it is considered to be one of the major horror classics from the 80´s. Why? Because it´s just so much fun and “Drag Me to Hell” works in the same way! This is definitely a more gothic approach than Raimi has ever tried his hand on before and I am absolutely delighted with the result.

Unless you´ve been spending the last couple of months exploring the deeper jungles, here´s what the movie´s about: Christine (Alison Lohman) works as a loan officer at a bank. Her life is pretty good at the moment. Her boyfriend (Justin Long) loves her and she is being considered for a promotion. Jumping at the opportunity, she comes across an old gypsy woman who requests a third extension on her house. Her boss (The fantastically creepy David Paymer) tells her it’s a tough decision, and that it´s her call. Christine refuses the woman’s payment. Absolutely infuriated, the woman stalks Christine after work and bestows her with a supernatural curse, one which she has only three days to overcome before the spirits drag her to hell.

You know, these gypsy women can be a pretty hard bunch. I don´t know if that´s the correct term, “gypsies”, nowadays but for lack of a better word, let´s go with that one. After watching this one and “Thinner” a couple of years back, I know that if I ever meet a gypsy woman, I´ll be walking the other way. I mean, I could definitely stand to lose some weight but I don´t wanna go through the shit that Robert John Burke had to put up with in “Thinner”. But you know, poor Christine doesn´t have that option so she just has to work through this ordeal the best way she can and let me tell ya, it´s not a walk in the park.

Raimi really piles on all his old favorite gross-out staples and he´s got more than one trick up his sleeve! To be honest, I can´t think of a director working in Hollywood nowadays, who´s in more command of the movie medium than Sam Raimi! This is a man who´s been making movies the better part of his life and it definitely shows. He knows exactly which buttons to push and which strings to pull to elicit a response from his audience.

That´s why we should feel pretty damn privileged when this fucker releases a new movie! It´s a goddamn honor for us to be part of the audience, ok? You know, I was happy and fine when Raimi was churning out those “Spider Man” movies but after the third one turned out to be pretty shitty (the second one was fantastic, though!) I was pretty disillusioned.

What the hell had happened to the Sam Raimi I grew up loving? Was he forever lost within the major movie studios web (get it? “Web” as in what spiders spin. Christ, I really am that good!) of deceit and lies? Would he ever find his way back to his true movie making self? There´s a million directors out there who could direct a movie like “Spider Man 3” but answer me this, how many could´ve directed “Evil Dead 2”? That´s the Sam Raimi I want directing movies, ok? I am happy to say that that Sam Raimi is alive and well.

This is the type of horror movie that you shouldn´t take too seriously. This is supposed to be fun! And let me tell ya, it´s a hell of a lot of fun! You can´t help but laugh out loud at all the tricks that Raimi attacks you with, just to get you to jump out of your seat. Just to set mood right from the start, Raimi opens the movie Universal´s logo from the 70´s, so you know what to expect. There are so many fantastic things about this movie and I won´t ruin it for you but if you´re a fan of Raimi´s previous films, you will definitely recognize some of them: we’ve got the eyes-popping-out-of-their-sockets-trick from “Evil Dead 2” and when one of the character is possessed he starts dancing around in the air like the evil Ash does. In other words, fantastic stuff!

Unfortunately, there´s no Bruce Campbell-cameo but at least Raimi gives us a brief appearance by Ted Raimi. Well, we don´t get to see him but we do get to hear him in one scene and that´s better than nothing, right? And Raimi´s old Oldsmobile is featured pretty prominently, so rejoice, “Evil Dead”-fans!

You know, I can´t wait until this one is released on DVD so that I can watch it again. This is without a doubt one of the best horror movies of 2009 and it´s exactly the kind of thing that has been missing in horror for far too long: an entertaining, original story with a sense of humor, directed by a director who´s at the top of his game! This is the kinda stuff you should be focusing on, Hollywood, instead of remaking everything you can get your dirty hands on, ok?

You know, watching this movie made me realize exactly how much I´ve missed Sam Raimi. I was happy with him making “Spider Man” but the thing with those movies were that Raimi didn´t get to show what he was capable to do with a film camera. Every once in a while you´d have a moment of brilliance in the “Spider Man” movies but there wasn´t anything to rival the “Evil Dead” movies, right? Except for maybe that moment in “Spider Man 2” when Dr Octopus and his tentacles comes to life. That was pretty damn awesome but now get this, that´s how “Drag Me to hell” is, from beginning to end! Raimi lets his camera run wild, without it ever getting disorientating, just like in the good old days!

You know, the best way to describe this movie is that it feels like when you were a kid and you got to go on one of those ghost trains or spook show rides that they have at carnivals: that´s how this movie feels: spooky and fun at the same time!

Sam Raimi just set a new bar for studio produced horror flicks: everyone should strive to make them this entertaining! Enough of you resting on your laurels, fuckers! This is how you do it!

Take scare,

Thomas

Tonight, my friends, I am going to ramble about a movie which I absolutely love; it is one of my all time favorite monster movies. No, strike that! It´s one of my all time favorite movies period! I´m talking about “Tremors” starring Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward! Now, where do I begin with this one? Is it possible to list all the great things about this film? I don´t think so but I´m gonna give it a shot for you, my friends.

I´m sure that you´re familiar with the story but in case you´ve been stranded on a desert island with no one to talk to but your favorite basketball, here it is: Trying to escape their dead-end life in the desert town of Perfection, Nevada, Val McKee (Kevin Bacon) and Earl Bassett (Fred Ward) find themselves sidetracked when corpses mysteriously start piling up around them. When Val and Earl have a run-in with some creepy tentacled creatures that have devoured a whole road crew, they retreat back to the town to spread the news.

That´s the set up for you. You got the desert, which is always good for monster movies. Remember “Them”? No people around, which is always good for horror movies. Now, the thing about “Tremors” is that it isn´t an all out horror flick, ok? This is one funny flick and this is of course thanks to an excellent script with fantastic characters and lines but also due to the fact that they managed to find the perfect actor for every single role! I can´t imagine any other actor doing these roles better and I´m talking about even the smallest parts here. Kevin Bacon is Val McKee and Fred Ward is Earl Bassett as much as Michael Gross (Michael J. Fox´s dad from that old show “Family Ties”) is the gun-crazy Burt Gummer and Reba McIntyre is his wife, Heather. I don´t know how the hell they did it but the casting director on this one did a hell of a job. I sure as hell wouldn´t have thought of Michael J. Fox´s goodie two shoes dad as a survival-obsessed, gun-crazy character so congratulations on a job well done, casting director!

But of course, the entire movie relies on the chemistry between Bacon and Ward and let me tell ya, they have got it… in spades! From the first scene you get the sense that these two guys have known each other for their entire lives and worked together for longer that is usually good for your mental health. They fight, bicker and joke around in that way that you know, regular guys do. The fact that they don´t stop kidding around altogether when the horror comes crawling into the movie makes it both more entertaining and in a weird way, more realistic.

“Tremors” is often referred to as a cult classic and I´m not sure why. I don´t know if this was a big success when it was released theatrically but at least it was successful enough to garner three straight-to-video-sequels and a TV show. That´s why I feel that this movie has been neglected long enough, we need to stop talking about this movie as a fucking “cult” classic and hail it as the classic it actually is! This is a close to perfect movie. Let me explain why:

1. It manages to both pay homage to the monster movies of the 50´s and have fun with the genre but never once does it poke fun at the genre! No matter how funny this movie is, it´s all because the characters act the way they do. The monster remains a threat and is pretty fucking scary at times, which brings us to our second point…

2. The monster! Every monster movie needs a good monster and “Tremors” has a great one! These “graboids” as Walter Chang, the convenience store owner (portrayed by the fantastic Victor Wong who I´m sure you recognize as Egg Chen from “Big Trouble in Little China”) calls them, aren´t just these big worms burrowing through the ground. The writers had the good taste to make them just smart enough to be a real threat. For instance, when someone tries to hide inside a car the “graboids” dig under the car, causing it to sink into the earth. There´s aren´t your standard garden worms, either. We´re talking around 30 feet here, ok? And we all know that that is of the utmost significance when it comes to movie monsters: the size! Now, some ladies may tell you that size doesn´t matter and all that but they obviously aren´t horror movie fans. I´ve rambled here earlier about how horror movie villains need to be of a certain stature to be genuinely scary and the same goes for monsters. Imagine if “Jaws” would have starred a small Tiger shark, around 5 feet long? Not nearly as scary, right? You need the size, people!

3. The pace! Now, this movie may not be exactly scary but it´s sure as hell is thrilling and exciting! The director, Ron Underwood, keeps the pace moving the whole time and I dare you to watch this movie and say that it´s boring! The entire third act is like one long chase sequence, where the character has to keep moving without touching the ground. You know, kinda like that game you used to play back in elementary school, if you remember that.

Now, it´s time for me to go off on a tangent here, ok? Just bare with me and I guarantee that you will come out unharmed on the other end. I just mentioned the director, a guy called Ron Underwood. “Tremors” was his big break, the first movie released theatrically that he directed and he did one hell of a job at it. After that he did “City Slickers” which was a huge hit. You remember that one, with Billy Crystal playing a big city guy enjoying a weekend living like a cowboy and Jack Palance doing pushups at the Oscars? That´s the one. Then after that, it all went straight to hell for poor old Ron. He directed “Mighty Joe Young” (you know the one with the giant ape that isn´t “King Kong”) and then decided to flush his career away by directing one of the strangest, most ill-conceived movies ever made: “The Adventures of Pluto Nash” starring Eddie Murphy! I don´t know if you´ve seen this one but it´s a strange, strange film. Eddie Murphy runs a nightclub on the moon and is being extorted by gangsters and that´s just the beginning. It´s a truly awful film and let´s just say that Ron Underwood´s career hasn´t fully recovered from this.

The last theatrical movie Ron directed was “In the Mix” starring Usher! That´s the right, that wimpy guy that tries to dance like Michael Jackson. I don´t know if you remember this one but it has managed to reach a staggering 2.1 average on imdb! It´s a sad thing because obviously Ron Underwood is a talented guy when given the right material but instead he´s left with directing TV movies with names such as “Santa Baby” and that kinda shit! What the fuck, Hollywood! That is not ok with me. You need to recognize that this man has got what it takes and give him something worthy of his talent and not leave him with shit like “Holiday in Handcuffs”! At least now poor old Ron is directing pretty high profile shows like “Ugly Betty” so I guess he´s making a living, at least. That´s always some comfort. Thanks for hanging in there. Now back to the reasons why “Tremors” is such a fantastic film:

4. “Jaws”! Yeah, that´s right! This movie is basically a “Jaws”-rip off but set on land and don´t try to tell me that you don´t love “Jaws”-rip offs…? I can honestly say that there are few things that I enjoy as much in life as a good “Jaws”-rip off. Well, that and a night of heavy drinking but that´s a whole other story…

5. Fred Ward is in it. Simple as that, folks! I´m talking Remo Fucking Williams here, ok?

I could go on and on about why this movie is so amazingly good but unless you are some kind of retard or something, you oughtta have gotten my point by now, huh? If you haven´t, you need to switch from whisky to beer, ok? At least while you´re at work.

So there you have it, some of the many reasons why we need to stop referring to “Tremors” as a “cult” classic. This is a bona fide classic, period! We need to get this film on the American Film Institute´s list over their 150 greatest films ever made, ok? I´m counting on you here, friends…

This is without a doubt the one movie I know that has managed to capture the spirit of fun and excitement of 50´s monster movies without going over the top or being too silly about it. I know that “Lake Placid” (who took more than one cue from “Tremors”) came pretty close but this one is infinitely better, ok? So if you haven´t seen this one, you owe it to yourself to do so before the summer´s last sighs are upon us, ok? You won´t regret it.

Until next time: take scare & stay ghoul!

Thomas