Last Blog On The Left

There´s just something about the idea of one human hunting another, is it not? I don´t know what it is but I love movies that deal with this premise: one or two guys hunting another guy. A simple scenario that you can wring pretty much tension from, if you do it right. And guess what, when it comes to horror lately, this little country called Spain has been doing a lot of things right lately. I don´t know if you´ve heard about this country out there in the world. It´s located in Europe and is basically famous for manufacturing lots of red wine and for playing soccer. But they´ve become pretty adept at creating horror flicks, as well. I don´t know if we can thank America for this because Brian Yuzna moved there about ten-fifteen years ago and set up the Filmax Studio and got that rolling. They´re bound to have picked up a thing or two during those years, right? But I think we´ll offend the Spaniards if we give him sole credit for the creative climate that seem to be ruling in their country today and the last thing I want is for something to happen to me like it did in the movie I watched the other day, “El Rey de la Montana” aka “King of the Hill” for you English-speaking motherfuckers out there.

Now, a while back I recommended a Spanish-produced film called “The Backwoods”, starring Gary Oldman and Paddy Considine (which you can read bout here if you don´t remember). It´s one of those “Straw Dogs”-influenced backwoods-terror movies. What made that film a cut above the rest produced in that genre was the fact that it had a genuine 70´s vibe to it and lo and behold, here´s another one! What the fuck, is it Christmas already? It seems that Spain is cornering the market on 70´s flavored-rural assault-movies and I´m not complaining.

Here´s what this one´s about: On his way to his ex-girlfriend, Quim meets an attractive young girl named Bea and has sex with her in the gas station’s toilet. Her love, however, isn’t very sincere as she steals Quim’s wallet and goes away. He searches for her in the mountainous countryside, but his chase comes to an abrupt end when an invisible shooter (or shooters) fires at his car. Now he and Bea will have to work together in order to stay alive and, on top of everything, deal with distrustful policemen and survive the robust landscape.

I think it´s safe to say that Quim isn´t having the best day of his life. Not Bea for that matter, either. Well, at least they got laid if that´s any consolation for them.

What this movie does so well is that old classic trick of not letting us see who is chasing the lead characters and that´s what makes it so scary. There are several chilling scenes in the film despite the fact that there aren´t that much violence onscreen. This is a movie that manages to bring the chills and tension thanks to the plot twists. But there´s another reason why I found this one so scary… You see, I am not an outdoors kinda guy. If you´re familiar with the Lemonheads old hit “The Outdoor Type” that´s pretty much me:

“Always had a roof above me

Always paid the rent

and I never set foot inside a tent…

I can´t go away with you on a rock-climbing weekend

What if something´s on TV and it´s never shown again?”

So you see, I´ve never liked the great outdoors. I always have been of the opinion that whenever you see a picture of a beautiful sunset or a forest you can bet your ass that if you just look close enough, there´s a bunch of bugs cannibalizing each other. Nature isn´t always a beautiful place. It´s a cruel, hostile place and to go camping doesn´t hold any allure for me. Hey, I´m no fool! I´ve seen “Deliverance” more than once so I know what happens as soon as you break out those damn canoes! Hey, as soon as I hear banjo music I start covering up my ass! You can´t be too careful.

You know, when I think about it there´s been a couple of horror movies on this theme lately that has been pretty good. I mentioned “Backwoods”. Another one was “Trigger Man”, directed by Ti West. I know, I know that it got pretty lousy reviews and averaged about 4.5 on imdb the last time I checked but I liked it. Most people found it boring but I thought that its deliberate pacing made for quite an atmospheric and suspenseful story. But like I said, I have a weakness for these types of stories. I might not have had the same patience if the movie dealt with another subject.

One thing that both “Trigger Man” and “King of the Hill” has in common is the fact that they both have pretty minimalistic and very effective scores. I´ve said it before and I´ll probably say it again (after all, I just turned 30 so I have a right to be nagging about the same things over and over again): don´t skimp out on the score! The final scenes of “King of the Hill” are heart wrenching and that´s much thanks to the score. I´m not sure but I think it´s just a guitar and a keyboard and sometimes that´s all you need. Just look at John Carpenter, for chrissakes! It worked pretty good for him.

I have to warn you now that if you haven´t seen this movie, you should stop reading now and go watch it because what I am about to talk about are some major spoilers if you haven´t seen the damn thing, ok? Off you go!

Now, for those of us who have seen this film, we know that the shooters turn out to be kids, right? This makes it a movie sort of in the vein of “Eden Lake”, I think. There seems to be sort of subgenre going on right now about how horrible kids can be. We have “Eden Lake” and this one. Then there´s the upcoming French horror “Dorothy Mills” and Tom Shankland´s “The Children”… All about kids in different stages of awfulness!

Is this the new trend in horror? Kids wreaking havoc upon adults? If so, what does that say about this generation of filmmakers? Have they failed so miserably in raising their children so that they now live in fear of them? I mean, it didn´t take a genius to figure out what the whole torture subgenre was about: American kids going abroad and being tortured either after checking into a Hostel in the Czech republic or enlisting as soldiers and going to Iraq in real life, ok? But what the hell is this thing with all the kids? What is this fear that many filmmakers seem to be nurturing?

I guess that this started two-three years back when they did the remake of “The Omen” and then that Sam Rockwell-movie “Joshua”. Those were some nasty kids there. But this new ones seem to be taking it a step further. Is this because today’s parents are afraid to speak up to their kids? Do we let them get away with too much? What do we think will happen if we start setting up boundaries for our kids? Will they hunt us in the woods with a shotgun? I personally doesn´t think so but then again, I am not a parent so what the hell do I know?

One interesting thing about “King of the Hill” is the fact that in a couple of scenes we do get to watch things from the perpetrators point of view. You know those POV-shots, like when you see things from Michael Myers´ eyes? Only when we get to see it here, many critics have pointed out that it looks a lot like one of those computer games the kids play nowadays. I think they call them “first person-shooter”-games or something like that. I am not too familiar with them but I have come across them once or twice in my youth so I know what they look like and I guess I can agree with this. These scenes looks a lot like a game and if I´m not mistaken it has been pointed out in various publications that whenever these school massacres like Columbine occur, the statistics of people that has been hit in relationship to how many shots that were fired are extremely high.

How the hell can that be? These kids aren´t trained snipers, right? No, but it is the opinion of many that they have practiced their sharpshooting by playing first person-shooter games. I´m not saying that playing those games is the same thing as shooting someone but I reckon that if you play enough of them, you gotta improve your aiming skill, right? That´s not so hard to swallow.

It´s just not that I am sure what the filmmaker is trying to convey by including these scenes. Is he saying that playing these games will turn you into a killer? I´m not sure. If he is, I disagree! That´s basically the same as saying that watching slasher movies will turn you into a psychotic killer and if that were the case, I wouldn´t be sitting here writing this because I would be too busy roaming the streets and slashing the throats of hobos. So that theory doesn´t work. I really liked “King of the Hill” but if it turns out that director Gonzales López-Gallago has made this film as some sort of hidden condemnation of TV games, then I don’t think I will be able to recommend it anymore. That would make him one of those old geezers that would sit screaming in some debate show when I was a kid, of how we need to ban horror films and I cannot support a filmmaker like that. But then he wouldn´t be making a horror film, would he? Or maybe he would…

Maybe this López-Gallago feller is attempting the mind fuck to end all mind fucks? He is fooling us into believing that he´s making horror films but it turns out he´s in league with Tipper Gore or some weird shit like that. Maybe the fucker is brainwashing us? Holy crap, is anyone looking into this shit? Who knows what might happen? The world as we know it may be crumbling! Aaargghhh!!!

Jesus, I really worked myself into a state there. Sorry about that. I´ve been breathing into a paper bag for the last fifteen minutes and I feel a lot better now. But due to the lack of interviews with the director I don´t know what exactly his intentions were and maybe that´s for the best. I´m not sure I want to hear him spell it out. However you turn and twist this thing around, “King of the Hill” is one hell of a movie and you should check it out as soon as you can!

Until next time: stay ghoul & take scare!

Thomas

We interrupt our ongoing series of subway-related horror films to bring you a recommendation of a non-subway related horror film. In fact this one is as far from the subway as you can get. Where “Midnight Meat Train” and “Creep” took place in a city-wide underground network of tunnels and passages, the movie we´re about to discuss today is confined to one single house. How about that? That´s how we roll, over here at THE LAST BLOG ON THE LEFT! We like to mix it up, so strap yourself in and pour yourself a tall one cause here we go!

Listen, if I was to commit a crime so atrocious and heinous that I would be sentenced to prison and I was given the option to serve that sentence with a foot collar in my own apartment, the choice wouldn´t be that hard, right? In fact, most guys wouldn´t even consider this to be a punishment at all. I´m pretty sure of that. It would be an awesome excuse for not seeing anyone at all and just stay home and watch movies and read books or whatever the hell it is you do with your spare time. To just stay at home isn´t that much of a punishment. But anyway, I don´t know how you spent last week but thanks to the job I have, I didn´t have to work. This basically meant that I spent that week like I had been sentenced to what I described here above. Finally I had some time to catch up on the many movies I have laying around the apartment. One of the movies I´ve been looking forward to seeing ever since I first heard about it, is “100 Feet” starring Famke Janssen. Now, what is it that´s so damn interesting about this one, you ask. “What the hell did Famke Janssen ever do that got you so riled up?” you say. I`ll tell you why this flick is so interesting. It´s because it´s written and directed by a fella named Eric Red!

Now, for you heathens out there who´s not familiar with this name, I´m gonna give you a quick rundown and why I like this guy so much. The first movie this fucker wrote was a little film you might´ve heard of, called “The Hitcher”. I think he was about 25 then. “The Hitcher” was one of those films I used to watch obsessively as a kid. After that he managed to crank out the script to basically the best vampire movie ever, “Near Dark” starring Lance Henriksen and Bill Paxton, among others. Let me just tell you how amazing that film is and what a shock it was to see that film as a ten year old kid. I was obsessed with western- and horror movies as a kid. Those were my two favorite genres and “Near Dark” was the first time (and basically the only time to date) that someone had successfully managed to marry those two genres. It still holds up and that´s quite a feat.

After that, it was time for Red to direct his own script and that happened with the memorable “Cohen and Tate”, which still hasn´t been released on DVD? What the hell is wrong with this world? Easily Roy Scheider´s best role post-“Jaws”. 1991 saw the release of the underrated body-limbs-gone-crazy-gothic-horror-romp “Body Parts”. I was twelve when this came out and when this was released, the Swedish censors were still going strong so this one was heavily cut. Naturally, that put it high on my “must-see-uncut”-list. Now, I know it must be hard to imagine what it was like for you youngsters out there, but there was a time when you couldn´t go online and seek out every film ever made and every song known to mankind. In those days you had to borrow films from each other (sort of old school file-sharing, if you can grasp that concept) or buy them! Yep, it was crazy times back then. So when I found out that “Body Parts” was cut with several minutes, it became my top priority in life to see the uncut version. It was like you would´ve been dangling a steak in front of a starving person. That was what it was like: the fucking censors were taunting me. But I outsmarted them and got hold of a Dutch copy of the movie, so the joke´s on them.

But you see, Eric Red has made a couple of movies that played a big part in my life. The last movie he directed was “Bad Moon” and I know that this film has gotten a lot of shit during the years but I really like it. I think it´s one of the most original werewolf movies from the last 15 years. I´m betting that you haven´t seen it since it was released but this is a film that begs to be re-evaluated. Compare it to Wes Craven´s “Cursed” and you´ll see exactly how original and entertaining it is (remember when Michael Paré marked his territory by pissing the doghouse? You didn´t see that in “Cursed”). So that was the last time Red stepped behind a camera. Until about a year ago that is, when I started hearing about this movie called “100 Feet”. Could it really be? Was Eric Red directing again?

He is and it´s about fucking time. Now, I´m not gonna lie to you and say that “100 Feet” is a masterpiece but it is a pretty damn good horror movie! Considering there are so many hacks, making awful horror movies it´s a god damn shame this man has been without a job these last 13 years. This is very effective low budget horror flick, executed in a lean fashion with a great premise! Here´s what it´s about:

Marnie Watson (Famke Janssen), is granted early release from her prison sentence for manslaughter (killing her husband – a violent NYC cop – in self defense) on condition she wear an electronic ankle bracelet and remain within her home, effectively under house arrest, for the remainder of her sentence. Her late husband’s partner (Bobby Cannavale) keeps tabs on her from a patrol car parked across the street, hoping she’ll violate probation and he can send her back to prison. But the 100-foot radius her ankle bracelet allows isn’t the worst of her problems. Her dead husband -now a pissed off ghost- is still in the house, where he died. And he´s not exactly happy. Let´s just leave it at that.

Now, if that isn´t a great premise, I don´t know what is! I can´t imagine that Red had any problem getting financial backing for this film, when pitching this idea. Now, this is one of those movies where one actor gets to carry the whole film, essentially. John Cusack did it in “1408” and Famke Janssen does it in this one. When I flipped the film into the DVD player´s tray I was kinda skeptic about it. Cause let´s be honest: when has she shown that she´s a particularly fine actress? There´s no denying that she is incredibly beautiful but that doesn´t improve her acting chops, does it? She´s been in a couple of cool movies but in this one she proves that she is, in fact, capable of holding her own on screen. There are a lot of close ups on her face in this one, you know when she has to do that “acting with her brows”-kinda thing. You know the scenes I´m talking about, right? When a character has to do some research and read old books in order to find about the history of say a building or their family or whatever. Whenever we do that in real life (like so many of us do) we usually read out aloud from the books or document, while wrinkling our brows, right? If you have those kind of scenes in a film, they can make or break a film, if you ask me. So how does Red solve this? Well, first of all he gives Janssen´s character a cat so the speaking out aloud-thing comes pretty naturally. So good call on that, Mr. Red! Then we have the fact that Famke Janssen is about 45 years old now and she is definitely one of those women that will grow old with grace. She has a much more interesting face now than she did ten years back so she pulls of that “brow”-acting. I was pretty impressed with her in this one.

But what impressed me the most about this film was the fact that finally someone has understood that you can make a good ghost story without ripping off every single Japanese or Korean horror film produced over the last 15 years! I don´t know about you but I can´t begin to tell you how tired I am of little black-haired girls who´s having a bad hair day. It was scary at one point but let´s face it, filmmakers… that ship has sailed and hopefully every J-horror-rip off was on that goddamn ship. I hope it hits an ice berg and goes the way of the Titanic while they´re at it.

I´m all for Asian influences but the last couple of years, it´s been nothing but blatant rip off´s. That´s why it´s such a relief to see a ghost like this! I found this to be a genuinely frightening ghost and unlike those Japanese schoolgirls who haven´t visited a hair dresser in a long time, this one has the power and strength to physically hurt you. That´s what makes it so effective: the threat of physical pain! In most ghost stories, we know that the ghost can hurt you but Red shows us in a couple of effective scenes exactly what this ghost can do. This isn´t “The Sixth Sense” where the ghosts just want some help, people! This is one angry fucker of a ghost.

One thing that I like about Red´s films is the fact that they are lean and effective stories, stripped of all excessive material. I mean, look at “The Hitcher”. I don´t know about you but I am of the opinion that in most cases, such things as love stories are pretty superfluous in most movies. Red has realized this in the past but in this one he has a love story included. I´m not sure if it qualifies as a “love” story but it is a story and it may not have that much love in it but it has some sex, at least! Surprisingly, this one works and it´s because Mr. Red is smart enough to turn a few conventions upside down. Usually in movies it´s an older guy dating a younger girl, right? It´s not unusual for the guy to be pushing his sixties while humping ugly with a gal in her twenties. I don´t think that´s particularly tasteful and I am pretty tired of watching these old guys having it on with girls half their age. So when Red turns the table on this tired cliché it´s a pleasant surprise since it´s Miss Janssen that´s doing the dirty deed with a guy roughly half her age.

Somehow, I find this more acceptable and don´t ask me why. The sight of an old guy having a sex scene with a young girl leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Kinda like that scene in “Mulholland Drive” when Naomi Watts auditions for a part and the old geezer who´s kissing her is about to soil his pants. That´s how I feel when I see those scenes! And you know, in this day and age when “Milf” and “cougars” and whatever the hell they call ´em is obviously established terms and it´s much more acceptable for women to be dating younger men, it´s nice to see that Mr. Red is a filmmaker who´s in touch with the times.

It seems that it has become so accepted that there´s apparently an American reality show called “The Cougar” now. That´s pretty weird, isn´t it? It´s about a 40 year old woman dating a bunch of 25 year old guys, who´s the same age as her own kids. I don´t know about you but this makes me think of “MILF Island”, the fake show on “30 Rock”. Apparently it´s hosted by Vivica A. Fox and it´s airing now. So there you have it! Who would´ve guessed that Eric Red is filmmaker so sensitive to the trends of society?

But let´s get to the movie at hand. This is a stylish film as well and it has that Hitchcock-on-a-soundstage-feeling going on and I mean that as a good thing! There´s a certain feeling that you can only conjure up with horror movies or thrillers that has been shot on a soundstage, like the old Hammer-movies or “Rear Window”; that sense of a fabricated reality can be pretty spooky. Remember “Eyes Wide Shut”? At no point in that film did you believe that Tom Cruise was walking around the streets of New York City, right? But it worked anyway. It helped to create that ghost town feeling that can work in a horror films advantage. That´s how I felt while watching this one! The scenes where Bobby Cannavale´s character visits the house at night are beautifully lit, with the red sirens of the police cars flashing through the windows. It all adds to spooky atmosphere and sense of dread. Besides, there´s also a staircase in the house and we all know that no good things can come from those. We´ve all seen “Psycho”, right? Or “The Exorcist”? Damn those staircases.

You know, I always appreciate a film that takes to me a place I´ve never visited before and have never seen on film and this one does that. I´m not talking about Famke Janssen´s bed but the inside of a waste disposal, which Red manages to wring maximum tension from.

So, in case you haven´t realized it yet this is a film that you should watch! I was so excited about this one that I couldn´t wait until it got a release in here in Sweden or in the States so I had to use my sleazy, back alley DVD-dealer to get a hold of a German copy but I hear that it´s been released in Britain now, which should make it a little easier for you to get your hands on it.

Now that I´ve gotten my taste of how great a filmmaker Eric Red can be, let´s just not hope that it takes another 13 years for him to get a movie going. I remember reading an interview with Wayne Smith (the guy who wrote the novel “Thor”, which “Bad Moon” was based on) where he talked about a story that he wanted to make with Red. It dealt with vampires and how they slept in hearses and body bags instead of coffins and all kinds of crazy shit. Let´s hope he gets that thing going. Oh, and I want a special edition of “Cohen and Tate”… Now! You hear me, Anchor Bay? Dark Sky? Get it done…

That´s it for now! Until next time: Stay ghoul & take scare!

Thomas

So our odyssey underground of the hell that can be life in the big city continues. I´m not letting you off that easy! Last time it was New York and our late night ride on “The Midnight Meat Train” and now it´s time for a visit to London and get acquainted with a real “Creep”. You know, it´s pretty interesting when you think about that there have actually been quite a few horror films about this particular public transportation. As far as I know, there´s not that many horror movies about buses out there. Or trams either, for that matter! God knows that there sould be. I know that I´d watch them. The trams can be a pretty tense environment. But like I´ve said before, there´s just something about the subway that is inherently creepy. It´s not natural for us humans to go underground so it´s starts getting uncomfortable as soon as you get on that damn escalator. And if you do it late at night… well, you know what it´s like, right? It´s the same with trams, but in a different way. If you travel around all day on the trams (which are the major public transportation in Gothenburg, where yours truly live) you´re bound to run into at least a couple of drunks and annoying kids. But these people are mostly harmless. The drunks just want someone to talk to and they´re not hurting anyone, ok? But as soon as the sun goes down, it´s a whole different ballgame… That´s when the real weirdos starts crawling out of the woodwork. You know which one I´m talking about: guys with almost no clothes in the middle of the winter, staring at the other passengers, people saying insane things while hitting themselves in the head and so on. A friend of mine saw a guy get on the tram with a machete in his hand. Swear to god, a real-life machete! This is the kind of people we´re talking about here; drug addicts and people with mental problems that belong in the care of some kind of institution but thanks to the disgusting government we have today, these people have no place to go and that´s why the public transportation system is a perfect place for them.

So, public transportation after dark can be a pretty freaky place! I´m sure most of you agree with me and that´s why the subway is the freakiest of them all: because it´s underground, for chrissakes! But the weirdos I´ve mentioned earlier is nothing compared to what poor Franka Potente has to endure in the London subway (or “Tube” or whatever the hell the limeys call it) after a night out on the town, fuelled by booze and drugs. She portrays Kate, who falls asleep while waiting for her train. She awakens to find herself trapped in the London underground, with all the doors locked for the evening. While being attacked by a co-worker who has followed her, a mysterious unseen creature drags him away and kills him. She comes across a young homeless couple, which luckily, knows their way bout the many different tunnels. However, they are far from safe…

As you might´ve noticed, the last couple of years there has been somewhat of a horror resurgence in good old Brittannia. There have been quite a few really good horror films, now that they have stopped focusing on only producing cockney-sounding gangster films. We have seen the rise of a number of interesting directors: Neil Marshall and James Watkins to name a few. But then there´s this fella, Christopher Smith. He´s directed 2 films so far, this one and “Severance”. They are both great but I definitely like this one better. From the moment this film begins it is clear that we are in the hands of a director with an intimate knowledge of the horror genre. And thank god for that! Since this is such a lean and tight script (written by Smith), it´s hard to go wrong with it but this is one of those films that could´ve easily been boring as hell in the hands of a lesser director.

Smith really manages to wring the most tension and horror out of his locations, which looks great. I don´t know what it is but there´s always something incredibly creepy about seeing a location, which normally is crowded, completely empty. I guess it´s that old “I Am Legend”/”Omega Man”-feeling coming back to haunt me once again. It´s like the opening to “28 Days Later” when he was walking across the London Bridge. I found that to be pretty creepy.

I guess it´s the same thing as it is with when something is out of place. That can be pretty scary, too. I think it was Robert Bloch, the writer of “Psycho”, who once said that anything can be scary, it just depends on where it´s happening. If it´s out of place it can be scary as hell. I think what he used as an example was this: imagine waking up in the middle of the night and looking out your window and seeing a clown standing there, in the light of the moon, looking up at you. That´s pretty out of place and it´s pretty fucking scary, right?

So I guess that´s what so unnerving about an abandoned subway station. Who knows what kind of shit goes on there at night, right? And Smith is a great constructor of scares. He designs the movie so that it is scary in all the right places and he takes advantage of the sound design to help create a creepy atmosphere. If I am to be honest with you (which I always try to be), one thing that Smith fails at is creating a sympathetic lead character. Kate, as played Franka Potente isn´t a particularly interesting or sympathetic girl and I can´t see any reason why she´s supposed to be this way. I´m all for lead characters that aren´t either just good or bad, but I can´t see Smith´s intentions in this decision. But despite this, you root for her, mainly because her co-worker tries to rape her at the beginning, and it´s kinda hard to dismiss a girl who´s just been through that, right? So I don´t know, that was probably Smith´s plan all along; expose her to that horrific situation and then she´ll have the audience´s sympathies no matter how she acts and maybe then he´ll have a much more interesting character on his hands. Pretty smart but if she would have been nicer, it would have made for more emotional impact, which I think would´ve been preferable.

I know that this film got a lot of shit for the fact that there´s no real motivation for why the monster acts the way it does but that´s why I like it so much. First of all, the guy who plays this Creep-character is brilliant! His name turns out to be Craig and is played by a fella by the name of Sean Harris. He´s been in “Outlaw” and “Isolation” besides this one, but let me tell ya, he really knocks this one out of the park. In fact, he knocks this one so far out of the park it probably ended up in someone´s living room in a housing project near the damn park! That´s how good he is in this one. He is covered in a lot of make-up but despite this he manages to create a real character. Screw Gollum or that fucking King Kong, this is the real deal! None of that motion capture shit that they used on Tom Hanks in “The Polar Bear Express” or whatever the hell that movie was called. Or “Beowulf” for that matter, which starred the animated versions of Anthony Hopkins and Angelina Jolie. What the hell was up with that film? I liked it but they filmed Hopkins and Jolie in those motion capture suits and then they animate them to look exactly as themselves! Why the hell don´t they just film the fuckers? But in the case of Beowulf, as portrayed by Ray Winstone, does he get to look as himself? No, he looks exactly like Sean Bean? I don´t know about you but I think it´s pretty damn confusing. What the hell were you thinking, Robert Zemeckis? Get a grip, for chrissakes.

Now, when I said that there´s no motivation from the Creep´s part, I´m not completely honest. Smith is smart enough to drop just enough clues so that you are able to form an idea of why this deformed creature is roaming the underground. There´s no answers but let´s face it, it´s much more interesting this way, right? Good work, Christopher Smith! And thanks again for not using a motion capture suit.

So basically, what we have here is kind of an inbred-backwoods-hillbillies-gone-wild set in an urban environment. Think about a movie like “Wrong Turn” for example: it´s about a girl (or two) that´s being chased because the mutants want to have sex with her (or them). That´s what Smith has done here, only in the subway at night! And like in any great film in this genre, he knows not skimp on the gore. This is a pretty graphic film and some scenes are definitely not for the squeamish. There´s also a couple of scenes with some sexual content that might not sit too well with everyone but I know you, you pervs! You just eat that shit right up, don´t ya?

It is pretty obvious that Smith´s major influence is another British shocker form 1972 called “Death Line” aka “Raw Meat”, directed by American Gary Sherman (“Dead and Buried”) and with all right, because that´s a pretty amazing film. Don´t worry, I will be discussing that movie within the near future, so hold your horses! Smith has basically taken the basic premise from that film and judging from the visuals in his film, he made his film with one eye on gritty 70´s horror aesthetics and that´s what makes this movie work! If you´ve been visiting this blog every now and then, you will be familiar with the fact that I am a fan of 70´s horror films. That was the golden age of horror, if you ask me, so whenever I see a film made today that´s taking its cues from this decade it gets my juices going. That´s right, I am that easy! Buy me a drink and there´s no telling where it may end. “Death Line” had a cannibalistic killer in it and this one has that, as well.

Now, you may wonder why Franka Potente doesn´t just outrun the fucker? After all, this is Lola from “Run, Lola, Run!” we´re talking about here. To be honest, I asked myself that question as well while watching the film but you know, it´s easy to get lost in those tunnels, I guess. Besides, a couple of years later she had to hook up with that amnesiac fucker Jason Bourne in “The Bourne Identity” and god knows they had to do a lot of running in that. I don´t know, maybe she saw that coming so in this one she just decided “Enough of this running shit, I´ll take on the creep right here, right now!” That´s my theory.

But you know, in the last installment when I rambled about “The Midnight Meat Train” I mentioned that amazing sequence in “An American Werewolf in London” when the businessman with the briefcase is chased by the werewolf. This whole movie is constructed like that scene… and that, ladies and gentlemen, is good shit!

All in all, “Creep” is a perfectly good excuse to take the bus instead and the main reason why Christopher Smith is one of the more interesting directors working in Britain today.

Until next time: stay ghoul & stay in touch!

Thomas

Listen up, people! A couple of weeks ago I traveled to the capital of Sweden (that´s Stockholm for you readers across the sea) to watch this band AC/DC perform. I don´t know if you´ve heard of them but I think that they´re gonna make it big one of these days. These kids are gonna go far! Anyway, I grew up just outside and now live in the second largest city in Sweden, Gothenburg which means if I wanna transport myself across town I have to either take the tram or a bus. That´s the way I like it. I like catching the tram and sitting on it, while looking at all the drunks at the stops as they go by. That´s why, whenever I go to Stockholm I am faced with the uncomfortable fact that I have to ride the goddamn subway! I am not a big fan of going underground just to get my sorry ass across town. I´d rather take a bus, nine times out of ten.

Because even if we ignore the fact that you have to go under the goddamn ground to get by, both you and I know that weird things happen in the subway. It all started back when I saw “An American Werewolf in London” when I was a kid. You know that scene where the business man is chased by the werewolf, without us ever getting a good look at the beast. Jesus Christ, that scared the shit out of me and still gets my heart pumping (that´s right, it´s not completely dead yet) whenever I watch it nowadays.

So, as a public service to you all I thought I´d offer my two cents worth! In the following months to come I will list and scrutinize my favorite subway-connected horror films! It´ll be a long time before you ride the tube again, fuckers! It´s not safe, I´m telling you. That´s why we will start this underground-odyssey with the latest one I´ve seen, the adaptation of Clive Barker´s fantastic novella “Midnight Meat Train”. Now, if that´s not a great title, I don´t know what is. I think it rivals “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” for one of the best ones ever!

Last summer I spent a week in New York (another town with a fucking subway) and this movie was supposed to open while I was there. Naturally, I had to see this one! I flipped through all the papers to find out where the hell it would be showing but I was shit out of luck. “Midnight Meat Train” was nowhere to be found. This because those Weinstein-fuckers and their much debated way of dumping movies that were supposed to get a wide release in only one theatre, in some hobo´s backyard so nobody gets to see it. So I didn´t get to see it. Maybe that was just as well because I might´ve not gotten on that fucking subway again while being there.

Here´s the story: photographer Leon (Bradley Cooper) wants to capture the “true” New York City on film. But in order to pay the bills he has to sell photos of crimes and accidents to tabloids for money. He is given a meeting with a legendary art dealer (Brooke Shields), and accepts her advice to explore individual places more closely, in hopes of finding the image that impresses her and gets him a break in the art world. He ends up encountering strange doings during late-night subway rides, and becomes obsessed with a silent, severe butcher (Vinnie Jones) who bludgeons passengers to death on a regular basis.

So how´s that for a cast: Bradley Cooper (that guy from “The Wedding Crashers” and “Alias”), Brooke Shields (who apparently at one point in history had some sort of a vacation in a lagoon who was red or black, I can´t remember. Wait, was she “The Creature from the Black Lagoon”? Holy crap!) and Vinnie Jones. Mr. Jones needs no introduction because he is the one and only Vinnie fucking Jones! No matter how crappy films he appears in, he´s one of those actors I always enjoy. Look at “The Condemned”. Not a particularly good movie but much thanks to Vinnie Jones it´s a fun flick. And what about “Mean Machine”? Without a doubt, the best film I´ve ever seen about soccer. That´s not saying a lot, come to think of it. The only other film I´ve ever seen about soccer (that´s the one where you kick the ball during the whole game, Americans!) was that bizarre film about prisoners during the Second World War that started playing soccer to keep their morale up. You know the one I´m talking about, right? Sylvester Stallone played the goalie, Pelé was in it and Max Von Sydow was a Nazi. Man, that was a weird film!

Anyhow, this is not a sports-blog, is it? Hell no and that´s why we need to get our asses back under ground. Now, I don´t know if you remember a movie called “Versus” that came out a couple of years back. It´s a Japanese film, directed by this guy Ryuhei Kitamura and it was a pretty fun flick. Lots of action and gore but like so many Asian flicks it´s about a half hour too long. But it was apparent that this Kitamura guy had talent. But I´ve seen the movies he´s done since and it´s obvious as hell that he´s a great stylist with a knack for cool visuals but lacking in the story department. So you know, I´ve been kinda disappointed by the flicks he´s made after that one. Until now…

One thing you can count on when a movie is based on a story by Clive Barker is that no matter how badly the film may be executed, it´ll always has a great fucking premise! This man has put some really freaky ideas down on paper and I am a huge fan of his. This one starts out as a thriller and then slowly wanders into horror territory. You know, there´s a lot of scenes with Bradley Cooper where he´s riding the escalator down to catch the tube and that pretty much sums up the movie: it´s about that character´s descent into terror, madness and horror. The further down he goes, the worse it gets.

Now, this is a fun ride. It´s a lot more fun than riding the subway in real life, I´ll tell you that much. I´d rather much watch this film over and over before ever setting foot on a subway car again. But like every movie, it has its flaws and I will now expose them in a shockingly truthful manner because that´s just the kinda guy I am! I´m just looking out for you and I don´t want to build your hopes up too much, ok? Even the sun has its backside or whatever the hell it is that they use to say. Let´s see what they are, ok? I promise to make it quick and painless for you.

The flaws:

#1. The girl who plays Leon´s girlfriend, Leslie Bibb, isn´t all that hot. And when I say “hot”, I do not mean that in a physical way, I mean it as an actress. She´s very pretty but also pretty bland and I actually forgot that she was in the god damn movie between watching it a couple of weeks ago and writing this post. That can´t be good, right?

#2. The scene in the cafeteria. When Leon is visiting his sweet and loving girlfriend at the diner where she works, they decide to get down and dirty after they´ve closed the place. The thing is that Leon has begun his descent into madness and depravity and how do an accomplished filmmaker show this in the best possible way? What does every monster do to their girlfriend when they have sex? He takes her from behind! That´s right, people! “Oh, the humanity!” you cry out but I´m afraid this is true. It´s not the subtlest scene ever made, ok? Not the greatest thing about this film. This scene annoyed me quite a bit and I think the film would´ve been much better off it Kitamura would´ve just dropped it. Now, I know what you´re thinking, you sick fucks. “Is it anal?” you ask and I do not know. I´m hoping it isn´t because then it would mean that anal sex is the most depraved thing in the world and while I am definitely not a fan of it I wonder what this says about Clive Barker himself cause after all, he is gay. Think about that one!

#3. The CGI blood. Come on people! Enough is enough already. We´ve had enough of this. Is it really that difficult to use squibs nowadays? I mean, the old fashioned squibs worked just fine for about 40 years, right? Then all of a sudden someone bespectacled computer geeky Bill Gates-lookalike decided that “No more! From now on we´re gonna animate the blood and it´s gonna look fake and everybody´s gonna hate it but I don´t care cause that´s the way it´s gonna be from now on!” I fucking hate it. But then again, I turn 30 soon so I might just be a cranky old man.

There you have ´em, ladies and gentlemen: the flaws! Laid out with all their brutal shortcomings, warts and all. They´re not that many and the pros by far outweighs the cons so let´s list a few of those, as well. Heck, I´m not even gonna list a few. I´m just gonna list one and after I´ve done that you will understand why you need to see this film. To be honest, I can´t see how any horror movie fan could dislike this film. And the main reason for that is…

The character of Mahogany, as played by Vinnie Jones! I´ll say it again: he´s fucking great in this film! I read somewhere that Kitamura and Barker wanted to create the next great horror icon and I think they succeeded but unfortunately we´ll never get a worthy sequel thanks to the insanity of those freaky Weinstein brothers. I am certain that this would´ve been a smash hit if they had opened this wide. But does anyone listen to me? Unfortunately not… At least not in Hollywood!

But the creation of this Mahogany guy really has it all. The looks, the clothes, the looming presence, the reluctance to speak and the weapon of choice! It´s quite a package when you think about it. That hammer that he uses on his victims… Pretty gruesome stuff but that´s what we like, right? It´s a shame that this wasn´t a greater success cause I think that they really did create the next horror icon. Can anyone get me the number to that old gypsy woman from “Thinner”? I think I wanna put a curse on the Weinsteins. Do you think that that sweet old lady takes request? She can´t be too expensive, can she? She lives in a tent, for chrissakes. She could use all the money she gets.

Some of you masochistic souls out there who have been frequenting this blog for some time will be familiar with the fact that I am a huge fan of films that portray the big city as the pot boiling hell it can be sometimes and this film is no exception. That´s part of the reason why I like it so much. Kitamura really embraces his dark side here. Let´s face it, who wants to watch a film that takes place in the daylight? Bring on the darkness, I say. Anyone remember a little film called “Seven”? When that was released, that whole approach to drench movies in darkness was done to death but it´s not unfair to say that “Seven”´s influence can be seen in “Midnight Meat Train”. In a good way, I mean. This movie also has the advantage of taking you into environments you wouldn´t normally visit. I don´t know about you but it´s not that often that I get to sneak around meat packing plants and in subway tunnels. Unless your name is Bud the fucking C.H.U.D. I´d be willing to bet some money on that you don´t do that, either.

But now, before we close down the store for tonight I have something of great importance that I wanna discuss with you. When I checked out the extra material on the DVD, I was genuinely concerned. What the hell is wrong with Clive Barker´s voice? I´ve noticed he´s been sounding really coarse for a couple of years now (he sounded really strained on the “Candyman” DVD) but in the short featurette on this one he sounds like every line he utters might kill him. Christ, Clive! What´s going on? I´m really worried. Barker is one of the few geniuses we have working in the horror genre today. Since I am such a concerned and serious writer, I decided to do some research but unfortunately I came up empty-handed. Everything I read everywhere is just hearsay, like: “I heard that he had his nostrils surgically removed…” or “I heard that he had his Adam´s apple embalmed…” Someone did mention though that at an Q&A at a horror convention someone asked him what´s wrong with his voice and he replied: “Too much deep throating” That´s Clive Barker for ya! The man´s a genius, I told you.

But seriously, if anyone out there knows something I´d really, really like to know. I´m worried about my man Clive.

And on that serious note I will descend back into the shadows. I will return soon with another installment of subway-related horror.

Until next time: stay ghoul & stay in touch!

Thomas

Ok, here´s the deal: before you get all stir crazy, hear me out on this one. As much as I liked “The Dark Knight” you gotta admit one thing: it wasn´t particularly funny, right? It was almost completely devoid of anything that resembled funny and I guess that was what was so god damn great about it, right? It´s been said a million times before that it was like if Michael Mann had decided to make one of his epic crime pictures and had the characters dress up as a bat and wear Joker-make up and it´s hard to argue with that. So we can agree on the fact that “The Dark Knight” was one of last year´s greatest triumphs in motion picture making? So congratulations, Christopher Nolan! But like I said: it wasn´t funny…

Even Tim Burton managed to tickle the funny bone every now and then, if you remember a time before Christian Bale. Last year we also had the pleasure of watching Robert Downey, JR as Tony Stark in “Iron Man” and that one was a lot of fun! But it wasn´t as good as “The Dark Knight”. However, it was funny…

Now, the movie I am going to force you to see today isn´t nearly as good as “The Dark Knight” (let´s face it, that is the movie with which we will judge all comic book adaptations in the future) but god damn, is it a lot of fun! I´m talking about “Punisher: War Zone”!

This is without a doubt one of the most violent, over-the-top and flat-out entertaining movies I´ve seen in a long time! It is extremely faithful to the comic book series which it´s based on and at times the screen looks like one of the panels come to life. I was blown away by this film! I didn´t think they were able to make this kinda films these days. It felt like an 80´s action film on meth-amphetamine!

You all know the story. It doesn´t take a genius to figure it out ´cause after all, we´re dealing with the Punisher here. It´s not like he´s gonna stop punishing and start rewarding. “The Rewarder”? What the hell kinda lame comic book would that be? It´s basically about The Punisher waging his one-man war on organized crime. He´s set his sights on overeager mob boss, Billy Russoti (Dominic West). After Russoti is left horribly disfigured by Castle, he sets out for vengeance under his new alias: Jigsaw. With the “Punisher Task Force” hot on his trail and the FBI unable to take Jigsaw in, Frank must stand up to the army of criminals that Jigsaw has recruited before more of his evil deeds go unpunished.

But as we all know, this isn´t the first time our hero Frank Castle attacks the screen. The first time was back in 1989 and then it was my fellow Swede the mighty Dolph Lundgren that killed a bunch of ninjas and yakuzas and whatnot. I remember that it was banned here in Sweden, which automatically put it high on my list of “Greatest films ever made” back when I was ten years old. Now, since then I have been forced to walk down life´s lonely highway and endured the hardships of a cruel world so I can honestly say that this isn´t one of the greatest films ever made. It´s a pretty fun one, though, Jeroen Krabbé is a pretty good villain and in one scene you get to see Dolph´s nutsack when he´s meditating. And that is pretty weird, when you think about it…

Then we got another take on “The Punisher” back in 2004 when it was Thomas Jane´s turn to don the skull T-shirt (which wasn´t even featured in the Dolph version, come to think of it). I´ve been a fan of the Punisher character ever since I was a kid, so I had pretty high hopes for that one. It was directed by Jonathan Hensleigh and he did a surprisingly competent job of combining the comic book elements while grounding it in a sort of 70´s gritty action aesthetic. He managed to have both scenes that felt straight out of the comic book (the long, long fight with the giant in the Pablo Picasso t-shirt) and a Spaghetti western (the guy singing in the diner), which I really liked. Oh, and then he also managed to keep John Travolta on a leash, despite the fact that he played a villain and that´s pretty impressive! Travolta usually snarls and growls his way through a role like this but he was pretty calm in this one, which worked.

So, this brings us up to date and there is absolutely nothing about “Punisher: War Zone” that is down to earth! This time around the Punisher is played by Ray Stevenson. You know, that guy who played Pullo on “Rome” and starred in “Outpost” (which I wrote about here). I think he´s great as Frank Castle! He´s got the hard man-schtick down and looks a bit rugged. Thomas Jane looked a bit too young and pretty, to be honest. Stevenson´s Castle is a bit more Robert Mitchum and that´s exactly what the character needs.

The director this time around is German martial arts champion Lexi Alexander. She directed that English hooligan movie starring Elijah Wood, “Green Street Hooligans”. That wasn´t a fantastic film by any means but you could at least see that miss Alexander knew how to shoot violence and fistfights. But no matter how great those fights were, nothing could prepare me for what I was about to witness in this film. This film has one of the coolest beginnings in a long, long time. I´m not gonna ruin it for you but here´s a spoiler: at one point during this massacre, the Punisher stabs one guy in the eye with the leg of a chair! That pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Oh, and the fact that Stevenson doesn´t utter a single word until 25 minutes into the movie is pretty damn cool, too. It´s been a long time since I had the pleasure of watching such a stoic lead character.

In fact, I´d like to go as far as to say that this is the ultimate Punisher movie! It has that near-perfect comic book-feel that not many movies manage to achieve. I´m gonna try to lay it out for you. In my mind, “Dick Tracy” starring Warren Beatty is an extremely underrated comic book movie. You might not agree with me (believe me, I´ve gotten a lot of shit over the years for this opinion but being the rebel that I am I just dust that shit right off) but I think that it has that perfect combination of over-the-top-acting and set design. The color schemes in that film is fantastic and “Punisher: War Zone” doesn´t come far behind. This film plays out like a violent, perverted version of “Dick Tracy” and that´s definitely the kinda film I would wanna watch!

I´m gonna tell you a story now so sit back and listen: I was a huge comic book fan while growing up. I devoured them. I had many favorites: Batman, Spiderman, the Phantom, Blueberry, the Spirit and so on. You see, I am of that age that when Frank Miller published The Dark Knight I was at the height of my comic book-reading. I also remember Watchmen being published for the first time. These are all pretty good comics. So you can imagine that I was eating those up. Those kinda stories leaves a mark on a ten year old boy´s soul, if you know what I mean. So yeah, I think it´s safe to say that I am a comic book fan even though I don´t buy nearly as much comics today but one of my all-time heroes is still Frank Miller. “Sin City” was a huge deal for me when it was published and I was always pestering my friends with a tirade of “If someone would make a movie of this one, it would be the greatest movie ever! But they gotta do it right and not change it!” I´m sure you had a friend that went on and on with that, too.

The thing is that when that “someone” decided to adapt it into a movie, it turned out to be Robert Rodriguez and man, was he faithful! Too faithful, if you ask me. I really liked the movie but thanks to the technique with the green screen and all that shit I sat there in the theatre feeling like I was reading the comic while listening to one of those cassettes you bought when you were a kid. You know the ones, with the book and the cassette: “When you hear this sound, it´s time to turn the page…” Those were pretty big here in Sweden, anyway. It was the comic book with sound effects! So, I left the theatre with a slight sensation of disappointment. “Was that it?” I asked myself and to fill the void that had opened up in my soul I went to the nearest bar and crawled into the nearest bottle.

But that´s not the end! Then Zach Snyder decided to adapt “300” but with the same damn result! A bunch of actors acting against an animated background doesn´t float my boat. I thought it was good movie and all but the same feeling of sadness occurred: that intangible feeling of knowing that you just watched a great film but knowing that it could´ve been so much more. It could´ve been fantastic but thanks to the CGI it´s as if the movie is left without a soul!

And that´s exactly what´s so great about “Punisher: War Zone”: no god damn CGI backgrounds and this is what a faithful adaptation is supposed to be like. It´s filmed on location, in abandoned warehouses and dirty factories and so on. That beats a nerd sitting in front of a computer any day of the week. This is a lot more old school and it´s all the better for it. There´s not any visible wire work, thank you! There is however a lot of gratuitous violence and elaborate shootouts! Hey, at one point Punisher impales a guy on a fence, then jumps down and lands on his head, bending it backwards at a very unnatural angle. He also punches a guy in the face and smashes his whole face in! He obliterates it! I couldn´t believe my eyes!

So you see, it is possible to be faithful to a comic book without overdoing it, like Rodriguez and Snyder did. Too much green screen kills the essence of film as a medium, for chrissakes. I can only imagine how great “Sin City” would´ve been if Rodriguez would´ve decided to film it in the “real world”. Like there´s no dark back alleys and slum-neighborhoods in America? Who´s the fucker trying to kid? It´s just that he doesn´t wanna leave his house. That´s why he shoots his movies in his backyard. But I still like the guy. After all, he was the first one responsible for Mickey Rourke´s first “comeback” and he does make entertaining movies. Just no more of those fucking “Spy Kids” in the future. Ok, Robert? Thanks! Let´s keep it on the “Planet Terror”-level.

What I was trying to get at with all my rambling is that filming in real locations and with a color scheme, you can come a long way with creating that comic book feeling and that´s exactly what the filmmakers have done with this one. So good job on that!

Then we have the other actors. Like I said, Ray Stevenson makes for a stoic and tough-as-nails Punisher so that´s all good. Then we have the villains. “Jigsaw” as he prefers to call himself after Punisher has put him through the wringer is played by Dominic West. Hey, don´t you just love how villains in comic books always has to change their name when something bad happens to them? Imagine if I broke my leg and showed up at work and someone asked me, “Hey Thomas, how´s the leg?” and I threw down the crutches and yelled out: “From now on I will be known as One-Leg!!!”

I don´t think that I would be getting a raise anytime soon. But anyway, he´s called Jigsaw because he looks like he´s stitched together from different pieces. Now, I know for a fact that this Dominic West fella that plays him is a pretty damn fine actor. He´s one of the leading characters on HBO´s marvelous cop show “The Wire” and he´s great there. He was also pretty alright in “Hannibal Rising” as the cop. I think it´s safe to say that “Punisher: War Zone” wasn´t a role he decided to invest his soul and suffering into. He snarls and gnarls, howls and barks his way through the film but since this is a comic book movie, it works! Same thing with Dough Hutchinson (another awesome character actor whom you might remember from “The X-Files” where he played Tooms), who plays Jigsaws insane brother. They´re quite a pair, these two… No line reading is too over the top and no gestures too big for them. They really let it rip.

Then we have Wayne Knight who will forever be remembered as Newman from “Seinfeld”. He plays Punisher´s sidekick, Micro, who supplies him with weapons and shit. Now, I know that for you youngsters out there, you will have a hard time accepting this guy as anything else but Newman but since I have a couple of years behind me I can honestly say that whenever I see Wayne Knight, “Seinfeld” isn´t the first thing I think of. I think of that famous scene where Sharon decided to show off her privates in “Basic Instinct”. That´s right! He´s the guy interrogating her and sweating like drug addict on a bad trip and he will forever be that guy for me. It may be hard for you to imagine that one single scene can mean so much to someone but I was 14 years old when it was released, so you can imagine. But it´s too bad that he hasn´t gotten any roles after “Seinfeld” ´cause he´s a good actor. He was in “Jurassic Park” too, for chrissakes, but people tend to forget that.

So unless you´re retarded you might´ve noticed that I kinda liked this film. It´s a good time for comic books to be turning into movies right now. I haven´t seen “Watchmen” but I think it´s safe to say that it will pretty good, from what I´ve heard at least. But honestly, I´d gladly ignore “Watchmen” for the rest of my life if I could only get it in writing that Lexi Alexander and Ray Stevenson would do a sequel to this one! Christ, I´d be jumping with joy. This is what the world needs now. Who cares about Baz Luhrmann´s latest overlong melodrama or teenage fucking vampires in the “Twilight” when Hollywood is still able to produce movies like this?

A close to perfect comic book movie!

Until next time,

Thomas