Last Blog On The Left

Alright, here´s the deal so don´t get your knickers in a bunch: the movie I will discuss today is not a horror movie, ok? However, it´s a pretty dark and at times horrific story so I think that you will be able to appreciate it. Alright, you bloodthirsty bastards? Good! Now, settle in ´cause before we begin you need to know the back story here so it´s time for me to get up close and personal here. After you´ve read this post you will know a whole different side of Thomas Lovecraft. You will walk away from this experience, thinking that it feels like you´ve known me for years and years, ok? So that´s what we´re looking at here so better bring out the beer. After all, I am a man and I don´t do the emotional thing without some alcohol in my system. Have you reached for a cold one? Good. Let´s begin…

I don´t know what the hell Clint Eastwood´s been taking these last couple of years but whatever it is, I want a piece of it! The man is 79 years old and he´s churning out movies, like there´s no fucking tomorrow! 2008 will forever go down as a great year in the history of cinema since it saw the release of two separate Clint Eastwood-directed films, his swansong to acting “Gran Torino” and “Changeling” which he didn´t star in. Well, actually here in Sweden “Gran Torino” opened just last week so we´re a bit behind, to say the least. That´s how it works over here! We still haven´t gotten X-Box yet. We´re still playing those Gameboy things.

Now, for those of you out there who happen to frequently read my ramblings here you are already familiar with the fact that I consider Clint Eastwood to be the greatest human who ever walked this earth. He has made some of the all time greatest films and if you´re gonna sit here and deny that, it´s gonna get ugly. “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” are one of those movies that I watch at least once a year and I still find amazing. “Dirty Harry” is another one. “High Plains Drifter”, “Unforgiven”, the list goes on and on, ok? We´re dealing with a goddamn genius here who´s had one of the greatest careers ever, ok? But you know what, no matter how great those films are I have to say that the thing that impresses me most is the level of quality of the films he´s been making during the 2000´s. I´ll admit that the century wasn´t off to a flying start with the release of “Space Cowboys”. A comedy in space isn´t what I wanna watch Clint in, ok? I liked the first half of it but then I lost interest. Then he returned with a serial killer thriller, “Blood Work” which was pretty decent but nothing special. I remember being pretty worried about Clint about that time. Was he gonna end his career with these halfway forgettable films? What the fuck!

But then something weird happened. Clint Eastwood got his second wind or whatever the hell it is that they call it when athletes starts to pick up their pace again and he got his hands on Dennis Lehane´s book “Mystic River”. I am a huge fan of Lehane´s and was extremely excited to see that Clint was turning this into a film but there was no way in that hot, hot hell that I could have expected what he was gonna unleash upon me. So here it is for the record: “Mystic River” is one of the greatest films of this century!

I know that a lot of assholes disagree with me and calls it melodramatic and boring and whatever the hell they want but it´s the melodrama of that film that I love! It reminded me of a James Gray-film in the way that it slowly builds to a heartbreaking, crushing climax. It´s a devastating film with some great performances in it! So that was pretty fun to see, that the guy still got it, you know. I´ve been a massive Clint-fan since I saw “Dirty Harry” for the first time, at the age of eight, so that warmed my heart.

And then, just to throw us off guard he went and made another one of his all time greatest, the boxing drama “Million Dollar Baby”. I don´t care much about sports movies, I think they suck. Boxing is the only sport that has managed to get some decent films dedicated to it. And this goddamn film is definitely one of the best.

Then Clint went off and made those Iwo Jima movies and to be honest, I wasn´t that impressed with “Flags of our Fathers” and I haven´t even seen the one where they speak Japanese yet. The thing is that I´ve heard that it´s supposed to be a lot better than the first one but I guess that I´m just a lazy son of a bitch. So sue me, fuckers!

But at least this brings us up to date and the film I initially wanted to talk to you about. I guess I have to come around to it now or else I´ll be rambling here about how great Clint Eastwood is for the rest of the damn night and let´s be honest: nobody wants that, huh? But the most recent film of his I´ve seen is “Changeling” starring Angelina Jolie.

I´ve never been that fond of her. I think that it´s nice of her to adopt a child from every town of every country in the whole world and it´s also pretty swell of her to give that bum Brad Pitt a place to sleep at night. I bet that he would be roaming the streets like a crazy-eyed hobo if she hadn´t taken him in. So that´s very nice of her, in my opinion. But you know, when it comes to her films I´ve never been a big fan. “Tomb Raider”? Didn´t manage to get through it. “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”? I only saw the unrated cut and that wasn´t as bad as I expected. “Alexander”? One of the worst accents ever. “Beowulf”? Well, was that really her? I knew it was supposed to look like her but I´m not sure. So, I think it´s safe to say that I´m not her biggest fan, ok? Come to think of it, I kinda liked her in “Wanted”. Or maybe it was just the fact that I was kinda scared of her in that one. Whatever, I have never gone out of my way to watch an Angelina Jolie-movie, let´s put it that way!

But that all changes when she stars in a movie directed by Clint Eastwood! Then I am forced to pay attention, whether I like it or not. So what´s the verdict then? Well, against all odds she´s a pretty good actress. As it turns out she´s managed to pick up a thing or two between adopting all those kids so she does a pretty good job portraying Christine Collins, the single mother who returns home one day to discover her nine-year-old son, Walter, is missing. She calls the police and, after enduring a grueling 24 hours, they search for her son. But the boy they return to her is not her son…

There´s a tough break for a single mom if ever there was one! And guess what, this is one of those based on a true story-type of stories, so that means that if you´re one of those type of persons that always sits in front of your TV complaining about how “The cops would never act that way” or “Why the hell would they let him do that? That´s not believable!”, you´re shit out of luck with this one because that is the way they acted in this case. Now, I haven´t investigated this case personally and I have no intentions of doing so but I´ll take Clint´s word for it. If he says this is what happened, then that´s the way it went down. End of story. He´s Clint. That´s all I need to know and that´s all you need to know, too. We can question the president (yes, even Obama) and we can question the Pope (in fact, I think we have to do that) but we cannot ever question the Clint! His word is law.

You know, if you think about it, this movie should by all rules of the universe not be a very good one. If someone were to ask you the following, what would you answer?

“Hey, you wanna watch a movie? It´s directed by this 80 year old dude who used to star in a an old cowboy TV show and then made a bunch of low budget westerns in Italy, of all places. And guess what, the screenplay is written by this guy who was responsible for this sci-fi TV show “Babylon 5” a couple of years back. You know the one starring Bruce Boxleitner? That´s the one. So anyway, the leading role is played by this extremely popular actress who´s in all the tabloids all the time and she´s very well known for her charity work for the UN, ok? She plays a single mom in this one. Oh, and I almost forgot the best thing: it´s based on a true story! You know, like those TV movies of the week that you can catch late at night? Do you wanna watch that film?”

If someone would have put it to me like that, I can´t tell you how loudly I would´ve shouted “Hell No!” It doesn´t sound that intriguing, does it? But you know what; this Clint Eastwood guy knows how to tell a story. I think he´s gonna go far some day. Just my opinion…

One of the things that I love about his films is the fact that he isn´t afraid to let his stories take their time and the fact that he is one of the few filmmakers out there who has the guts to make films aimed at adults. Clint Eastwood does not cater to the tweeny crowd, if you know what I mean. He directs films with such confidence and gravitas that he makes them his way and throws them out there, take them or leave them and thank god for that! That´s why this movie is 2 hours and 40 minutes long, that´s why it does get incredibly dark and actually pretty damn scary in certain scenes and that´s why you´re never quite sure how it´s gonna end. I´m not so sure that we would´ve gotten that in this film if it would´ve been directed by another director who would´ve had a studio breathing down their neck and forcing them to water down the film. But you see, that kinda thing doesn´t fly with Clint. He´s a rebel and don´t you ever forget that! That´s why he keeps making these films that no one else is able to do.

Now, these films that Eastwood´s been making lately are not particularly happy films. They have one thing in common because they all deal with the pain of losing someone or something in one way or another and it´s not very often that that is a cheery thing. I am extremely grateful that Eastwood´s taken this path in his career and hasn´t grown all soft and mushy on us in the autumn of his life. He seems determined to show us what a cruel place this world can be, especially if you´re a child, and I am pretty sure that we all wish that this wasn´t the case in real life but at least it makes for more interesting movies. The fact that Eastwood doesn´t shy away from the horrific aspects of his stories makes for a more rewarding experience. There are a couple of scenes in “Changeling” that are pretty damn horrific. I won´t go into detail, out of consideration for you, you fucker, since you probably haven´t seen the flick yet, right? That´s how kind I am and how much I like you. You´re very welcome! Like I said, I´m not gonna ruin it for you but let me just say this much: the scenes at the hospital just oozes with gothic horror.

Do you remember the opening scenes of “Mystic River” when the young Tim Robbins-character was kidnapped by a couple of pedophiles and then escaped? Those scenes were pretty damn scary and yet, you didn´t see much at all. There are a couple of scenes that rival those in “Mystic River” when it comes to horror and unseen brutality. Pretty strong stuff.

Now, it´s no surprise that when Clint Eastwood picks up his phone, all of Hollywood´s actors come running. I can´t blame them. Who wouldn´t wanna spend a couple of weeks with Dirty Harry? That´s why his movies usually are peppered with great actors doing great work. Just think about it: Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne, Laura Linney and Marcia Gay Harden in “Mystic River”. That´s a pretty strong cast. “Million Dollar Baby”? Clint himself, Hilary Swank and Morgan Freeman. Now, in “Changeling” we have miss Jolie, Colm Feore, Jeffrey Donovan, this guy Jason Butler Harner who I´ve never seen before but who does a great job, John Malkovich and one of my favorite actresses: Amy Ryan!

If you´re not familiar with her work, you need to shape up and get your stuff together, ok? She was nominated for an Oscar for her role as the single mother in “Gone Baby Gone” and she was amazingly enough the best thing about that film and that film was pretty fucking good, ok? She´s also been on HBO´s fantastic cop show “The Wire” and she´s great on that one, too. Then she turned up on “The Office” as Steve Carell´s girlfriend and she was hilarious on that. This lady can do anything. Now, after I´ve forced you to sit though this love letter to her let me just say that she has a small but interesting role in “Changeling”. There, I´m done. This lady needs to be in more movies, pronto!

So, you should check out this “Changeling” movie, even though it isn´t a straight up horror film, ok? `Cause after all, who knows how many more Clint Eastwood movies we´ll get in our lifetime? I´m gonna be brutally honest with you here so bring out the handkerchiefs. I have been watching new Clint Eastwood-films my entire goddamn life and after seeing “Gran Torino”, which is supposed to be his last acting role, it´s time to face the music. This guy isn´t gonna be around forever, no matter how much I want him to be. He´s 80 damn years old, for chrissakes! People live in nursery homes at that age, for crying out loud and we have come to a point where there will probably never ever be another movie opening with the tagline “… starring Clint Eastwood” and that´s pretty sad. At least for me! This has been one of the constant things in life: every year I get one year older, every year the climate gets a little warmer and every damn year Clint Eastwood has been releasing films. But he´s getting really, really old now and he hasn´t been acting that much the last couple of years but he´s been directing, thank god for that! But what the hell are we gonna do the day this guy drops down and dies? I´m having a hard time imagining a world without new Clint Eastwood-movies… We have some harsh times ahead of us, friends. Who will men all over the world have to look up to as a role model? Brad Pitt? Don´t think so, friend. Christ, this guy has been around since they pretty much invented the first camera. I bet that Clint´s the guy driving that frickin´ train that comes towards the camera in that old movie.

But enough of this crying bullshit! He´s not gone yet so there´s no need for us to sit here sobbing like a couple of drunks in a dive bar. We do enough of that on the weekends as it is. He´s still got a couple of movies in him and he´s already working on the next one. Apparently it´s called “The Human Factor” and it´s about the life and times of Nelson Mandela, starring Morgan Freeman. Now, Freeman and Eastwood have a great track record but I gotta be honest: I´m a little disappointed that Clint´s chosen to go with this one as his next film. This seems like the kind of movie Ron Howard would make. It will probably be nominated for 200 Oscars and it will probably be a gripping story but this is the kind of movie that Hollywood loves to make and loves to praise to the heavens. But what the hell do I know? I´m not gonna rule it out quite yet. It´s just that since he´s getting old and the fact that he´s gonna spend a year or so making a movie, let´s make ´em count, Clint! But then again, even if it proves to be a generic triumph of the human spirit-type of story, I´ll always have the double feature of “Changeling” and “Gran Torino”.

And for that I will always be grateful…

Until next time,

Thomas,

The writer with no name

A week or two ago, I was asked that awful question by a friend of mine: ”If you had to choose your favorite film, which would it be?” You know as well as I do that that is an impossible mission but you know, the beers kept flowing and the debate kept raging and I went back and forth. Which one was it going to be? If I had to watch one film for the rest of my life, which would it be? Do I go with “Jaws”, which was the first film that terrified the living shit out of me or do I go with “The Thing” which is probably my favorite horror movie of all time? Or do I go with “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”, a film that I´ve seen waaay too many times. It´s a tricky question, as I´m sure you´re all too familiar with and if I am to be perfectly honest with you, as I always try to be, the answer would probably be “Jaws”. I am fairly certain that it is my favorite film of all time. I still watch it once a year and I never tire of it. There´s just something about that film that I won´t even try to describe. It´s perfect!

But during the course of this drunken and heated debate another title was mentioned frequently. It´s a film that would easily punch its way into my top ten-list of greatest movies ever, if I ever were to make one of those but since I am basically your average lazy bastard… I probably won´t! Anyway, this masterpiece hasn´t gotten the acclaim that it deserves. I´m talking about John Carpenter´s fantastic “They Live”, which you´ve probably already guessed if you´ve read the headline, Mr. Smarty-pants.

So the reason why I chose to write down my ramblings about this film instead of “Jaws” is basically because I´m trying to do you a favor here. You´ve probably heard all there is to hear about “Jaws” and seen it way too many times, just like me, right? Besides, if I had to come up with something new to say about that movie it would probably require me consuming some form of mind altering drugs and I´m just not in the mood for that tonight, ok? I also have a creeping feeling that there might just be a couple of you out there who hasn´t seen this film yet. Everyone´s seen “Jaws”, right? But if just one guy, someone somewhere in this big world sits down to watch this film because I wrote about it, I´m a happy man! So here we go, fuckers. Buckle up!

Let´s get the story out of the way, shall we? Nada (played by wrestling icon Rowdy Roddy Piper) is a down-on-his-luck construction worker who only owns the clothes he wears on his back. We know this because after all, he is a drifter and his name is Nada (Get it? His name is “Nothing”, genius!) One day Nada discovers a pair of special sunglasses. Wearing them, he is able to see the world as it really is: people being bombarded by media and government with messages like “Stay Asleep”, “No Imagination”, “Submit to Authority”. Even scarier is that he is able to see that some usually normal-looking people are in fact ugly aliens in charge of the massive campaign to keep humans subdued.

How´s that for a story, huh? I don´t know about you but I´m a sucker for these kind of “Twilight Zone”-type of stories. The problem with many of them is that they feel like just that: a one hour-long television show stretched out to an hour and a half. Not so with “They Live”! This is such a great film I don´t even know where to begin but I´ll give it a try but you´re gonna have to excuse me if start fawning too much, ok? We got a deal? Good…

Like I said, the story… It´s a great one and there´s no one that does this better than John Carpenter! So many of his films are that rare beast of a film: a straight up action-sci-fi-flick with an underlying political message for those who choose to read that into the film! I can´t deny that it is an at times both pretty silly and goofy action film. But you see that´s not the point. One of the reasons why this film is so damn entertaining is that because it is pretty silly and goofy but that´s not why Carpenter made this one. It is safe to say that is a scathing attack on USA as it was back during the 80´s when good old Ronald Reagan was having his way in the White House. So, what´s happened since then? Not a whole lot. We´ve been forced to put up with the George Bushes and the state of the world is in worse shape than ever, which makes this film as up-to-date as it was when it was released back in 1988. It´s a sad, sad state of affairs but that´s the lay of the land, friends… And John Carpenter knew it back then, as he does now.

So, you got the underlying political message, ok? The rich are only trying to make the world a better place for themselves and their politics exist for one reason only and that is to give them tax breaks and whatnot. Basically, pretty much the way it is today. So, you have your message built into the film, which is always nice. At least in my opinion. Then you have the actors. You can always trust Carpenter to deliver in this area. But in this one he gave the lead to a fucking wrestler? Was he on drugs? Remember, this was way before Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and whatever their names are so a lot of people probably did ask him that question: “John, are you fucking insane?” Well, turns out he wasn´t.

Roddy Piper basically plays the part of Kurt Russell in this one. This is the kinda character I can bet my ass on that Carpenter wrote with him in mind but he was probably busy on “Overboard” or some other shit or getting it on with Goldie Hawn. I can´t blame the guy. If I would´ve had the chance to get it on with her, I too would´ve jumped at it, make no mistake about that. The thing is that he was unable to do this role so then Carpenter got a hold of Piper. I´ve seen Piper in a lot of films since this and this is by far his best work. Before this one he starred in the insanely entertaining “Hell Comes To Frogtown” and I guess that Carpenter must´ve seen him in that one and he´s pretty charming in that one. Roddy Piper has that kinda of decent, good guy quality that only a few actors exhume. I mean, the minute you see this guy onscreen, you like him and root for him. You know, the same thing you do when Kurt Russell pop up on screen. Piper has sort of hangdog features and I think he´s great in the opening scenes, where basically all he´s doing is watching.

You know how that old saying goes, that you should be able to watch a really good movie without any sound and still know what´s going on. Well, that would basically mean that all silent films are great fucking movies and I´m not so sure that I agree with that. It was probably some stiff old, über-pretentious film critic who came up with that saying just to impress his über-pretentious film critic friends, but that applies to at least the first half hour of this film. There´s not much dialogue at all but never does it get boring. Carpenter knows how to handle the camera and shoot this shit. It´s good stuff! I know, I know, watching a drifter who in turn is watching different things doesn´t sound that exciting but I guarantee it is.

Now, when Nada wanders into town he is taken in by a community of homeless people that also gets him a job at a construction site. This is where he meets his sidekick Frank, played by the great Keith David. This man has been in so many great films that I won´t even bother to list them. You should know them by heart, ok? If not, there´s this new sight called IMDB that I think you might enjoy. I think that this is gonna be huge in the future.

Now, these two fuckers have a pretty great dynamic on screen. One thing I love about Carpenter is that he isn´t afraid to make his heroes seem not-so-bright from time to time. Nada isn´t by any means the smartest guy in this film and that makes for some good comedy and working as a relief for the viewer. It´s good to watch a film from time to time where the hero is a man of average intelligence! Before this one, Carpenter had taken it even further in “Big Trouble in Little China” where Kurt Russell´s character is basically the dumbest one in the whole movie. I wish more filmmakers would take this approach. But I don´t like it when they overdo it, like the Coen brothers, ok? Enough is enough.

However, it´s Frank that is the voice of reason of these two. When Nada tries to convince him to try on the sunglasses, he doesn´t want no part of it. He just wants to move on and mind his own business, like so many of us would. But the thing is, Nada isn´t one to give up so easily. This leads up to that infamous/famous fistfight that you´ve probably already heard about or seen, even if you haven´t seen the film yet. It goes on for something like 5 or 6 minutes and they beat the living crap out of each other in a dirty alley. Let me tell ya, this is a great fucking scene! Maybe it´s not that realistic but it´s definitely one of the most entertaining punh-up´s you´ll see in a long, long time.

Now, I´ll gladly admit that I am a huge John Carpenter-fan. I´ll even go so far as to say that he´s probably my favorite director, ok? But is this his best movie? I guess not. “The Thing” tops this one but I already mentioned that. But like I said, the reason why this one is so great is partly because this is Carpenter´s most political film. Carpenter has this underlying skepticism in all of his movies but in this one he really lets it come to full fruition. I don´t know how you feel about things but I am one of those people that gets suspicious as soon as people starts organizing into groups, ok? Be it religiously or politically, as soon as it gets too organized I tend to step away from things.

I am not sure that I´ve become this way because of my obsession with Carpenter´s movies during my teens or if it is because of my skepticism I love his movies so much. I honestly don´t know which came first but I think it´s healthy to maintain your critical point of view in life, ok? You shouldn´t believe everything the media tells you, we can all agree on that, right? That´s why this silly, sci-fi flick actually is pretty damn important! Unlike so many films produced this one actually has something to say. It´s not a particularly happy or hopeful message but it´s pretty hard to not realize that it still rings true today. And it doesn´t take a genius to see that the working class of the world are being exploited by the corporations of the world, right?

But that´s why I´m gonna go out on a limb here with you folks. A couple of Carpenter´s movies have been remade these last couple of years. “Assault on Precinct 13” was turned into a decent action flick starring Ethan Hawke, “The Fog” was turned into a pretty un-scary flick starring that guy who plays the young Superman on that TV show and Rob Zombie was let loose upon “Halloween”.

Now, I know what most of you think about remakes. You hate them! You not only hate them, you want to rip out your eyes and throw them at the screen whenever a remake is shown. But I actually want them to remake this film!

There, I said it! It´s true! I want them to produce a remake of “They Live”, this masterpiece in the canon of John Carpenter´s films. I must be crazy, right? Wrong (at least I hope so)! Because this is just as an important film today as it was back in 1988 I think that we would do the world a favor if we remade this one so all the youngster of the world today could relate to it more. Maybe this time around the lead wouldn´t have to wear a mullet, ok? That would probably be a good thing considering how fashionable kids are nowadays. Nobody likes a mullet. Except for me, when it´s on Roddy Piper´s head, that is.

To be honest, I can´t understand why they haven´t gotten around to this one yet, considering the fact they are cannibalizing Carpenter´s back catalogue like those goddamn scavengers in “Escape From New York”. Even that one was up for a remake a while back, starring Gerard Butler from “300” but I´m not sure what happened to that one. But why in the world haven´t they got around to sinking their claws into “They Live”? Probably because it is a film with a clear message. I´m pretty sure that much of what it has to say would be removed from a remake and just be a straight-up action flick. But it´s fun to play around with the idea. I wonder who would play Nada in a remake. The Rock would be an obvious choice but he´s not believable as a drifter. He´s too clean cut. I´m not sure but if anyone out there has any ideas but be sure to let me know, ok? What´s your ideal cast for a “They Live”-remake? Let me hear your suggestions in the comments below.

So, what else is so god damn good about this gem? Well, since this is a John Carpenter joint it also has his signature soundtrack and I´m a sucker for those. Sure, it´s keyboards and it´s repetitive but I don´t care. Carpenter scores his films with different themes for different characters, just like in the old westerns and I really like that. Let´s not forget that this is the man who wrote the theme to “Halloween”, one of the all time greatest horror movie themes, ok? He knows what he´s doing.

Then we have the fantastic dialogue and the many one liners. I´m sure you´re all familiar with the scene where Nada wanders into a bank with a shotgun and wearing his sunglasses; he looks around and says “I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass… and I´m all out of bubble gum!”

Now, I don´t know about you but that´s a weird-ass thing to say, right? If I were one of the customers in that bank I would´ve asked myself “What the hell is this mullet-wearing freak babbling about? Chewing bubble gum? Is he retarded?” and I´m pretty sure that you would´ve done the same thing! But being the kind of film that this is, it works perfectly within the context of this scene. It´s an insane thing to say and not realistic in the slightest, but it´s pretty damn cool when you watch it! Or how about when Nada tells Frank: “Life´s a bitch and she´s back in heat!” There´s some poetry for you, man!

But my favorite scene in the whole movie has to be the one when Nada and Frank walks into a hotel to get a room after having beaten the shit out of each other in that alley. That´s pretty god damn funny. Imagine seeing that in real life.

“They Live” is a B-movie but in the best sense of the word, ok? I wish that more directors would try to make these movies nowadays: low budget action sci-fi flicks with a message! I wish that Carpenter would try his hand on this genre once more before he throws in the towel. This one has it all: humor, paranoia, action, political message, a wrestler in the lead… Tell me, what the hell more can you ask from a movie? This film is perfection! To me, this movie perfectly captures what good science fiction is all about: delivering a message in an entertaining way, without getting too preachy! “Independence Day”, this ain´t!

So, if you´re one of those sorry souls out there who haven´t seen this one, do it as soon as you can! I guarantee you that your life will benefit from it. And if you´ve already seen it, follow my example and watch it again before it´s remade.

Until next time: stay ghoul & take scare!

Thomas

Since my last post, I´ve gotten a comment here and there in the blog and for that I am very grateful. It´s always good to know that someone out there is reading and appreciating the ramblings I throw out there. I have also received a few e-mails showing their appreciation and I just wanna say thank you for those also. Your support means a lot. I also wanna send a big shout-out to that guy who keeps posting comments about really good offers when it comes to penis enlargement procedures at a humane price. Thanks for thinking of me, buddy. Oh, and thanks for the links to that site where I can buy different celebrity sex tapes. You never know when you get the urge to see Kim Kardashian or whatever the hell her name is, get it on in one of those night vision-mode-type of pornos. So again, thanks for thinking of me. I won´t even bother to mention the great offers I got on those medications ´cause it goes without saying, right? Who needs the real thing?

So, enough of that! Now I´m gonna make it easy for you. I saw “My Name Is Bruce” the other day and I can tell you straight up that this isn´t gonna be a post about my many insights into that film and the symbolism or crap like that. This is basically gonna be my love letter to the awesomeness of Bruce Lorne Campbell. So, guess what I thought about the movie? I´ll give you a hint, sucker: it´s a no-brainer. Of course, I loved it!

A movie starring the one and only god-like, magnificent, amazing, impeccable Bruce Campbell… as himself! Of course it´s gonna be frickin´ awesome! But I´m gonna level with you and be honest, as I always try to be. It´s not the masterpiece I expected. I mean, if you´ve seen the trailer you know what I´m talking about. If not, you can check it out here.

Now don´t get me wrong here. The complaints I have are minor. And this is even though I am fully aware that this isn´t a great film but you see, I don´t know if I might´ve mentioned this but it stars Bruce fucking Campbell! You can´t help but like it and laugh your ass off. How can you not love a film that has the lead actor play himself as a down-and-out, down on his luck, booze guzzling, womanizing, self pitying, obnoxious character who lives in his trailer with only his dog for company? A dog which by the way is treated to whisky by Campbell in one hilarious scene (“Hooch for the pooch!”). Tell me, how can you not love a film like that? Hell, even that old witch with the heart of ice in the Narnia books would love this film. Bruce Campbell´s charm is irresistible. I dare you to find one person out there who after watching a film starring this guy, doesn´t love him! It can´t be done. Impossible!

If you´ve only been watching the Oscar nominated movies for the last year or so, here´s what “My Name Is Bruce” is all about, friends: In the small, quiet Southern Oregon town of Gold Lick an ancient Chinese deity known as Guan-Di, is set free and the townsfolk are left at its mercy. However, local teenager Jeff (Taylor Sharpe) has the brilliant idea of enlisting B-movie actor Bruce Campbell to help fight it. He must know a thing or two about fighting monsters after all those movies he´s made, right?Well, they´re wrong. Bruce believes the whole thing to be a hoax set up by his sleazy agent (Ted Raimi) as part of his birthday gift.

As you might´ve already figured out, this is a one-joke movie. If you are one of the few people who possessed by some kind of demonic presence and are not a fan of Bruce, you shouldn´t bother. I guess that there are its fair share of broad jokes and slapstick comedy in it for your girlfriend to enjoy some of it but let´s face it: this is a movie for us nerds out there! I can´t even begin to count the many in-jokes that Campbell has crammed in there. If you are familiar with his career, you´re gonna have a field day. But then again, I guess that if you are a fan then you´ve probably already seen it and then I have to ask you what the hell you´re doing here, reading this? Then I guess that you already know all this stuff, right? Don´t get me wrong, I don´t want you to leave. I enjoy your company here. Hang around for a while longer, friend. Any way you like it, the scene where Campbell is filming “Cave Alien 2” had me in stitches.

Back to Bruce. The thing is that this is the kind of humor that I can enjoy when it comes to making fun of the horror genre. Not like those god damn “Scary Movies”. I don´t get them and it is my firm opinion in this life that you have to be retarded to enjoy them. Don´t get me wrong, I have nothing against retards but I do not like people who think that “Scary Movie” is the best that comedy in film has to offer. I want those people to bleed. They deserve it. I hate movies that try to make fun of the horror genre the way those god damn movies do. Just a bunch of different scenes that parody different films. What´s the fun in that? I don´t get it. So, you Wayans- and Zucker brothers out there who´s made a life out of churning out these god awful films, take a cue from Mr. Campbell. The scene I mentioned earlier where he´s filming “Cave Alien 2”: that´s the way you to go if you wanna make fun of the horror genre, ok? Can we move on now? Good.

The movie that this one most reminded me of is “Galaxy Quest”. I thought that that one was a pretty successful stab at the science fiction genre. You know, it managed to make fun of the genre but didn´t forget to have fun with it, as well. But ultimately, this is a much better film since you know, it stars Bruce god damn Campbell!

But you know what, Mr. Campbell isn´t the only great actor in this film. We shouldn´t forget the wonderful Ted Raimi. If you can put Ted Raimi in your film, I definitely think that you should. So does Bruce Campbell obviously because Raimi plays no less than three different parts and he isn´t afraid to ham it up and chew the scenery. Especially when he plays the old Chinese man who gets stuck with all the expository dialogue! He´s hilarious in that part.

You know, the reason I love this film is because I grew up with Sam Raimi´s and Bruce Campbell´s movies and if you´re like me, there´s so much to enjoy in this film. I can´t help but sit there with a huge grin on my stupid face as soon as Ted Raimi shows up! That´s all it takes to make me happy. But you know, I really am a hardcore Campbell fan. I´ve seen it all. Hell, I even sat through that awful “MacHale´s Navy” that they make fun of in this one. I saw that. I saw it for one reason only and that reason is Bruce Campbell. I was one of those guys that you heard sobbing at the back of the theatre when his character was killed off at the beginning of “Congo”. I sat through “Mindwarp” and I am also one of the few people who really, really loved “Running Time”. So you know, that´s why I can´t help but love this film. It´s like having an old friend over to your place, every time a new Campbell movie comes out. You know, the kinda friend that you don´t see that often nowadays but you know it´s gonna be a blast when you do? That´s what it´s like watching a new Bruce Campbell-movie!

And you know, let´s not forget that Bruce Campbell is one of the few actors out there that takes great pride in the DVD extras. If Bruce is in the film, you can bet your sorry old behind that he´s gonna show up in the supplemental material and “My Name is Bruce” is definitely no exception. You get an hour-long making of called “Heart of Dorkness”, which is almost as much fun as the movie itself. You know, put a camera on this man and you can´t go wrong. He´s also kind enough to do a commentary for the film and if you´ve ever listened to one of those, you know that next to John Carpenter and Cronenberg, Bruce Campbell has been responsible for some of the best ones ever.

You know, I really wish that they make a sequel to this film. If it were up to me, he would do nothing but playing himself in movies like this for the rest of his career. I could definitely live with a new film every year, with Bruce as himself, the lovable creep. ´Cause let´s face it, no matter how great we think that he is, he´s never gonna cross over entirely into the mainstream. He´s the funny, quirky guy from the “Spiderman” movies for most kids nowadays but that´s as big as he´s gonna get. If it were up to me, he would be one of the greatest movie stars in the world. I don´t know why he isn´t bigger. He´s never gotten a real chance at proving his acting chops but the great thing about him and much of his appeal is in the fact that he seems perfectly at ease with being this B-movie icon. He seems to love it and enjoy the hell out of it and it´s kinda hard not to be entertained watching a guy who enjoys what he does that much.

Now, I have to admit that the portrayal of Bruce Campbell by Bruce Campbell himself is the reason that the movie works and is so much fun but let´s say that if we were to compare this to that of another B-movie legend that recently played himself, it´s not in the same league. You know who I´m talking about: Jean-Claude Van Damme! Now, these aren´t movies that should be compared since they are totally different in tone, scope and vision but sometimes you just can´t help yourself, right? It´s like when you´re out and about, wreaking havoc on your local bar and when it´s time for final orders. Now, you know that you´ve had more than enough and you shouldn´t order another one but then you say to yourself: “Hey, I´ve just hit my stride and the night is still young… Who the hell am I kidding? Barkeep, two beers and two White Russian!” You know how that song and dance goes, right? That´s how I feel right about now. I know in my heart of hearts that I shouldn´t compare these two movies but I´m gonna do it anyway. Sometimes you gotta listen to your heart, kids…

So, the only thing that these two great films really have in common is that it has a lead actor whose careers have seen better days portraying themselves. But you know, “JCVD” had a totally different message and it felt like Van Damme unbuttoned his shirt, tore up his chest and poured his damn heart out on the screen for all of us to see. What that resulted in was a fantastic film that managed to be moving, entertaining, funny and exciting. I can´t say that “My Name Is Bruce” manages that. It´s not that kind of film, you know. But I´ll tell you this much: it is an insanely entertaining film and even though Bruce Campbell doesn´t pull off the same thing that Van Damme managed to do, I am pretty certain that I´ll be re-visiting “My Name Is Bruce” before I watch “JCVD” again. This is the kind of film that begs to be seen again and again, the way that only a handful comedies manages. “JCVD” is more of an emotionally draining experience for the viewer and no matter how great of a film it is, you should never underestimate the simple fact that it´s pretty damn fun to laugh your ass off every now and then and that is something that Bruce Campbell knows how achieve. Sometimes a good laugh is just a good laugh and sometimes that´s exactly what you need. This is basically Bruce Campbell´s gift to his fans: a movie made just for you and god damn, I love it! I can tell you that I will be pulling this film down from the shelf for many hungover Sundays to come. You know, I have to admit that I thought “Bubba Ho-Tep” was a better film overall and in that one Bruce finally got to show some serious acting chops but you know what… it´s not as much fun as this one!

And you know, there are worse ways to spend your Sundays than with Bruce Campbell. Come to think of it, it probably is the best way possible to spend your god damn Sunday: in the company of the greatest chin in show business.

I´ve said it before and I´ll say it again: the mere sight of Bruce Campbell brings a smile to my face. I can come from a shitty day at work; after being abused by senior citizens on the tram; after having been threatened to death by the supermarket cashiers and feeling like life is one long series of different punishments. All those things are soon forgotten after 10 minutes of say, “Evil Dead 2” or “Army of Darkness”. Bruce Campbell always makes me smile and I think that´s a pretty damn fine thing to do. That´s more than I can say about Pauly Shore. Or Martin Lawrence. Or that fucking “Scrubs”-show. So thank you for that, Bruce Campbell! You are a fine specimen of a man and I bow before your eternal awesomeness…

Until next time: Stay ghoul & take scare!

Thomas

Hey, I just realized that I´ve kept this blog going for over a year now, down here on the left. That deserves some kind of celebration, right? That´s why I decided to give the place a facelift, as you might´ve noticed. All to make it easier on your eye and for your reading pleasure, cause that´s the kind of guy I am: always thinking about others. Last time I rambled here I promised that I would be posting an entry about “The Strangers” and since I believe in the lost art of keeping my word, guess what: here it is! So kick off your shoes and grab a beer or two and we´ll drink to at least another year or two of depravity down here at the left, huh? Here we go…

As far as shitty days goes, Scott Speedman´s character, James, in “The Strangers” has gotta have one of the shittiest ever. His girlfriend, Kristen (played by Liv Tyler), has it pretty rough also but my heart goes out a bit more to James. After all, I am also a guy and I can really identify with what he´s going through. I´m not talking about the fact that he´s being chased by masked strangers and tortured and terrorized, oh no! It´s been a while since that happened to me. No sir, I´m talking about the opening of the film. I think that this film has one of the better openings I´ve seen in a horror movie in a long, long time.

And when I say that it´s one of the better openings to a horror film it´s not because it´s one of those “slam-bang-here-we-go!”-type of openings. You know what I mean. Take “Scream” for example. That´s a great opening and the movie starts off running. But that´s not the case with “The Strangers”. It takes its time to set up what´s going on. When the movie starts James and Kristen has been to a wedding and James has just asked her to marry him. They are heading back to their cabin which James has decorated with all sorts of romantic things, like rose petals on the bed and champagne and whatever. Hell, he´s even brought out an old record player to play her favorite records. For you kids out there I´m talking about vinyl here, a type of format that existed before everything became mp3 and mp4 and jpeg and what the fuck. However, there is one small thing that James hadn´t counted on. Kristen isn´t ready to marry him so her answer to the dreaded question is “No”. As you can understand, this makes the evening a kind of a downer. Needless to say, the mood is kind of tense and naturally James is devastated but despite this, he doesn´t turn into an asshole like so many guys would. Kristen is also pretty crushed. I mean, she obviously loves the guy, it´s just that she isn´t ready to tie the knot with him and I can understand that, as well.

So what we have here is a pretty interesting human drama and I found myself actually forgetting the fact that this is supposed to be a horror film. But you know what happens then? There´s a knock on the door… and then all hell breaks loose, as The Misfits once sang.

So then we find ourselves in the middle of one of the more harrowing horror films I´ve seen in a long time. I´m not talking “Eden Lake”-quality here but it gets pretty brutal and this is obviously thanks to writer-director Bryan Bertino. This is this guy´s debut film and I take my hat off to him. I don´t wanna act like a big know-it-all but I have to say this is a job very well done. At least in my opinion…

So that´s a new one for me: actually being a little disappointed when the horror actually starts. I don´t know what the hell is going on with me. Maybe it´s the fact that I´m turning 30 pretty soon? Is this the way it´s gonna be? Being more interested in the human drama and that aspect of a fucking movie like this? I´m not sure I like this development within myself. It´s a good thing that the horror matches the drama then when it begins…

I should probably warn you right off the bat: “The Strangers” isn´t very gory. There´s not much blood at all, come to think of it. This is not that kind of horror film. However, this Bertino guy manages to really make the viewer cringe when there is some blood on the screen. Christ, it´s been a long time since I saw a climax that was as painful as this one.

So what is it then that makes this one so god damn good then? Well like I said (haven´t you been listening, fuckers?), we have the fact that it has two leads that you genuinely care about. You feel their plight and how awkward and painful it must be to be spending that night in that house, after the guy has proposed and she has turned him down. That´s a downer, if ever there was one. As we already have established, the couple is played by Speedman and Liv Tyler and I don´t know if I´ve got a thing for Liv Tyler or not but I kinda like her. I didn´t use to have that, I can tell you that much. I used to think she was really annoying and the fact that she doesn´t have a lower lip doesn´t make things much better. Besides, she played Bruce Willis´ daughter in of the most bizarre films of all time, “Armageddon” and that pretty much says it all. That is one of the more confounding experiences I have had, watching a film. I couldn´t believe what I was watching when the scene where Bruce Willis is sacrificing himself came up. You know which one I mean, right? When his and his daughter´s lives literally flashes before his eyes… I had to control myself from not bursting out laughing when I saw that in the theatre. Hey, if you haven´t seen that steaming pile of dogshit of a movie I guess I just ruined the ending for you. Hah! Eat that!

Anyway, ever since Liv Tyler grew up it seems that her face fits her much better and she doesn´t look like a kid anymore. She actually looks like a woman now and I much prefer that. Call me twisted and weird but I´ll stand my ground, assholes: Liv Tyler looks better the older she gets. And let´s not forget the fact that she has definitely become a better actress. The first half of the film, she´s the reason you wanna keep watching. She manages to hold your attention and the panic her character experience is portrayed pretty realistic, I think. She also has a pretty impressive pair of lungs on her. And I´m not talking about her breast or anything like that, you pervs! I´m talking about her actual lungs! I´m telling ya, she knows how to scream. I wonder if her dad taught her that. That would´ve been a bizarre sight: watching the singer of Aerosmith, whose has been through so many plastic surgeries that by now he looks like a 60 year old woman, teaching Liv Tyler how to scream the proper way. Maybe Steve Tyler oughtta get his own reality show, like Ozzy…

And this Speedman character… he´s been in a couple of really cool movies. I liked the “Underworld”-flicks where he played a half werewolf, half vampire, half man-guy. I guess that doesn´t add up but I didn´t write the damn thing so don´t hold me accountable. The thing is that he wasn´t that good in those flicks. He was pretty bland and stiff. The same thing in that great Kurt Russell-starring corrupt cop-movie “Dark Blue”. He was definitely the weakest actor in that bunch but then again he was sharing the screen with such extremely hard guys as Russell and Ving Rhames, so I guess we can´t blame him too much for that. We have to remember that Kurt Russell has charisma oozing out of every pore on his body. It´s kinda freaky, come to think of it. Anyway, the character in this one is actually one that Speedman pulls off. He does that sad and morose-thing pretty well and I just realized why! Wasn´t that guy on that “Felicity” show a couple of years back? That would explain why he´s so good at looking sad and brooding about things to left and right. That was all they ever did on that god damn show: crying and brooding, brooding and crying, trying to figure out if this guy´s into Felicity or why she cut her hair and on and on… Anyway, good thing that Speedman picked up a thing or two while toiling away on that show. You shouldn´t feel too bad about yourself, Scott Speedman. Think about me: I haven´t made a single movie! There, that oughtta make that poor sucker feel a little better.

Another thing that I really liked is how Bertino works the props into the story and actually make them contribute to the tension. For example: this James guy is such a romantic fella that he has actually dug up his old record player just so he can play his girlfriend her favorite songs on the night she accepts his proposal. Now, if that isn´t romantic, I don´t know. However, I have a creeping feeling that maybe a girl wouldn´t appreciate this as much as a guy would. Maybe that´s a too broad of a generalization but sometimes you gotta go out on a limb, folks. I don´t know, but my personal experiences tell me that these things are generally more important to guys but then again, I´m no Dr. Phil. However, the record player becomes quite a source for unease and discomfort when the god damn thing gets stuck and keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. Sit down, kids! I know what you´re thinking: “That would never happen with an mp3” and maybe you´re right but we´re talking real emotions here, kids and when that´s the case, vinyl is the way to go. Trust me on this one. If you wanna achieve maximal romantic effect it doesn´t fly if you sit down to download a track on your computer. You gotta put some effort into it so when you hook up that old record player, your girl will know that you´ve been up to the attic or down to the basement or whatever and actually dug up the damn thing. That´s romance, folks…

I really like this type of horror movies but it takes a special kind of director. It takes a guy that knows what he´s doing and knows his way around both the genre and the medium (of film, that is!) He lets the movie take its time and builds up the tension until it´s almost unbearable. If the guy in the director chair doesn´t knows what the hell he´s doing, you´re just stuck with a tedious and boring movie and let´s be honest, who the hell wants to watch a movie like that? Not me. Bertino stages his frights the way that I love and this probably has something to with the fact that I am a slightly autistic fucker that has seen John Carpenter´s “Halloween” over thirty times. Not the Rob Zombie-one, although I really liked it but let´s face it: it didn´t have Jamie Lee Curtis. Am I right? Of course, I am. But you remember that classic scene when Michael Myers sits up behind Jamie Lee? That´s the kind of scares I love and obviously Bryan Bertino enjoys that, too. There are plenty of scenes where the strangers appear in the background, without the lead characters knowing about and they are just standing there, watching them… waiting… I just love that shit. I think that if you´re gonna steal something from any director out there, John Carpenter is as good as it gets. This proves that Bertino has to be a somewhat intelligent character and it feels always good to know that you´re in the hands of someone capable when you´re watching a horror flick, right?

It´s always good to know that the director has one thing in mind only and that thing is that he wants to scare the shit out of you and I don´t know about you but unfortunately, the movies that manage to actually scare me are very few nowadays and they are far between. I´m sorry to say but that´s how it is! This one managed to actually creep me out quite a bit. It didn´t blow me away completely but I could definitely feel its breath in my ear, if you know what I mean. It has that 70´s vibe to it that I love and part of the reason why I liked it so much is that because I´m a nostalgic fucker, I guess. This kinda movie reminds me of when you used to watch all those great horror classics, like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “The Hills Have Eyes” and “Rosemary´s Baby” for the first time. Those were the days, my friend…

But that´s enough strolling down Memory Lane for one night, thank you very much! This is a pretty nihilistic, bleak and unrelenting story and even though I am usually more of a monster-horror-movie-kinda-guy, this is as you might´ve figured out a tale of human horror. No monsters here and I guess that´s why it works so well. The fact that at one point in the movie, Tyler´s character asks the strangers why they are doing this to them and one of them answers: “Because you were home”, just makes it all the more real. That scene sent a chill down my spine. It´s the same thing that made Michael Myers so scary in “Halloween”: the unrelenting blood thirst. At least he had some kind of motivation but that´s gone out the window here and call me crazy but that´s what makes this film so believable. Christ, you read about these kind of random acts of violence in the paper every time you pick one up. It´s a cruel world out there, kids.

Listen, you know me. I don´t scare easy, like Tom Petty sang, ok? But this one actually got under my skin a bit and that doesn´t happen that often. It´s a horror film made by a director confident enough to play with your mind every now and then and that´s what I want in my horror! I recommend this one and if such a thing existed I would gladly give it the “Thomas Lovecraft stamp of approval” but you know, that ain´t the kind of world we live in so there is no such thing as that stamp. But I would bet my ass that it would look awesome on DVD covers…

Until next time,

Thomas

It´s time for us to move into what is, for some of you out there, uncharted territory. I´m talking about a world that only the most hard-bitten and jaded of us out there are familiar with; a world that takes a lot guts to venture into; a world that will scare most people off into the other direction… That´s right, I´m talking about the world of the low-budget-straight-to-DVD-sequels! But don´t worry, people. I am here to hold your hand and guide you through this decadent land of bargain-bin-basement-baskets and knock-offs.

You know what I`m talking about, right? The sequels to films with much bigger budgets and that were released theatrically. Now, I´m not trying to fool anyone out there. I am fully aware of the fact that 90% of these titles suck. Most of ´em suck pretty hard, as well. But you know what, every once in a while you come across a straight-to-DVD-sequel (from here on referred to as “STDVDS”, ok?) that is pretty good and doesn´t drag the first film´s good name through the mud just to leave it bled dry on the bottom shelf of your local video store.

A title that springs to mind is “Carlito´s Way: Rise To Power”, which for those of you out there who might be slightly retarded is the sequel to “Carlito´s Way” starring Al Pacino and Sean Penn. Apparently they had much bigger fishes to fry when it came time to make the sequel so this one is instead about Carlito´s youth and his… surprise, surprise:  Rise to power! That’s why we get such fine actors as that Latino looking guy from “Hostel” in the role of Al Pacino and Mario Van Peebles (who is pretty damn good in this one) as a bad ass mobster. This is actually a decent entry into the world of STDVDS´s and it looks like it had a bigger budget than most of these types of films.

So you see, it is actually possible to produce perfectly watchable films in this twilight zone of the movie industry that is the STDVDS´s. Another example is the two sequels to Paul Verhoeven´s fantastic “Starship Troopers”. I´m not saying that they are as good as the first one but they are pretty entertaining. They were also written and directed by the same guy who wrote the first one. If you haven´t seen ´em you should check out both “Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation” and “Starship Troopers 3: Marauder”. They´re well worth your time. Well, that depends entirely on what it is that you choose to do with your time. If you´re a delegate for the UN, maybe these type of films aren´t worth your time. But if you instead choose to spend your nights all by your lonesome and having long conversations with your socks while wondering how long you can go without taking a shower, I´d definitely say that they are worth your time.

So now that we´ve established that there are in fact a couple of STDVDS´s that are totally acceptable, quality-wise, we have arrived at the film I wanted to discuss with you. One of my favorite films from the unholy year of 2007 was “Vacancy” starring Luke Wilson and the lovely Kate Beckinsale (you know, the girl with the leather outfit in the “Underworld”-movies. Don´t act like you don´t know who she is). That flick was directed by a man named Nimrod Antal and I think that he did an absolutely fantastic job at that. Not at all like his name would imply. It was a lean, mean, fast-moving horror-thriller that was actually pretty suspenseful. You know, one of those “white-knuckles-on-the-edge-of-your-seat”-type of films that you keep hearing about on various DVD covers. “A killer of a thriller”, if you will…

Anyway, it reminded of a film that John Carpenter could´ve directed, if he still would be directing (do you hear me, movie gods? Let the man direct again!) It had a confined setting and a simple premise and the filmmakers really milked it for all that it was worth. Kinda like Carpenter did in the days of “Halloween”, “Assault on Precinct 13” and “The Fog”, you know. So “Vacancy” was released in 2007 and I guess that it was pretty successful but not successful enough to warrant a theatrically released sequel. But who gives a “frak”, as they say on that “Battlestar Galactica”-show, the sequel is here and it´s actually pretty ok. It´s not a fantastic film, by any means, but when we talk about STDVDS´s the normal standards of judging a film doesn´t apply. You can´t compare a STDVDS to a normal film, you get it? You have to compare them to other sequels that were dumped straight onto DVD, ok? And if you do that, “Vacancy 2: The First Cut” is a hell of a lot better than say, “Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead” which I ranted about here a couple of weeks ago.

This is actually a prequel to the first film so in this one we get to see how this sordid business of killing people and videotaping got started. It´s an interesting story where we get to see the lead characters and their visits to many banks and sponsors while they present their fantastic business idea of killing people for pleasure: “Come on, people! Who doesn´t enjoy watching a good killing?”

Actually, that´s not at all what this movie´s about… It is a prequel, though. I wasn´t kidding about that so this means that this film takes place back in 2004. We are introduced to the managers of the Meadow View Motel, Gordon (played by David Moscow) and Reece (Brian Klugman). They´ve got a little business on the side where they use one of their rooms to videotape guests in their most intimate moments. When the mysterious Mr. Smith (Scott G. Anderson) checks in with a young woman, they witness the sadistic psychopath guest stabbing and killing his mate. The three of them realize that they can make a bundle on these kinda tapes. Said and done, they decide to make other snuff movies with Smith. One night Caleb (Trevor Wright), who is traveling from Chicago with his fiancée Jessica (Agnes Bruckner) and his best friend Tanner (Arjay Smith), decides to rest in Meadow View and guess which room they are given?

Let´s start with the good things, ok? I like the concept of this film that we get to see how this bizarre operation got started. That´s the reason I liked “Hostel Part 2” better than the first one, you got to see how that disgusting business operation actually functioned. It´s a fascinating idea: what drives somebody into start making snuff movies? That´s always a good thing to have when you´re making a movie, right? A good idea! The script is actually pretty solid so hats off to screenwriter Mark L. Smith for not dumbing down the movie.

Then we have the actors. They´re also pretty good, if you ask me. And even if you don´t ask me, I´m gonna tell you anyway. That´s just how I roll! So, they´re great but it´s a damn shame that they didn´t have the budget to bring back Frank Whaley as the creepy receptionist form the first film since he was definitely one of the best things about the whole movie. I´d love to see a whole film just about him the next time. Moscow and Klugman makes for a pretty good team and weirdly enough, you never lose sympathy for Moscow´s character. He manages to keep him pretty sympathetic, which I have to consider as a job well done. After all, this is a guy who masterminds an operation to kill young, innocent boys and girls and tape it. Not your typical sympathetic guy next door.

Then there´s this girl Agnes Bruckner. I really like her. She deserves a bigger break. She was great as the lead in Lucky McKee´s “The Woods” a couple of years back and she´s great here, too. She was also in that flick called “Venom” with that guy who ran around the Louisiana swamps and got bitten by snakes possessed by deadly souls and whatnot. You know, your basic voodoo stuff. The thing is that this girl Agnes Bruckner seems to find roles that ain´t your typical helpless heroine in distress. It´s not like she´s Sigourney Weaver taking on the Alien Queen in that loading truck but I think that she manages to steer away from just being a good looking, screaming girl so I think she definitely deserves some credit for that. I hope she keeps it up and doesn´t decide to just go for the easy parts. I´m assuming that she has some influence on the portrayal of these parts herself, to some extent at least. So keep it up, Miss Bruckner! By the way, her character´s name in “Venom” was Eden Sinclair, the same as Rhona Mitra´s in “Doomsday”. What the hell´s up with that? Does Neil Marshall harbor a hidden obsession with the movie “Venom” so he decides to use the same name as an homage? That would be very weird, indeed. I remember that it was a pretty entertaining flick but it´s not that good, Mr. Marshall! Some people just doesn´t know when to quit.

Then there´s the director, Eric Bross. Apparently he´s an alright kind of bloke since he´s done a pretty good job of actually creating some tension and at least two scenes that are pretty unsettling without delving into a torture extravaganza. Actually, there´s a scene here which really reminded me of “The Strangers”, starring Liv Tyler. I don´t know if you´ve had the chance to check that one out yet, but it´s really good (I´ll be posting a rambling about it pretty soon). Anyway, I thought it was one of the better horror films from last year and Bross actually manages to recreate some of its atmosphere in one of his scenes. So it´s obvious that this guy has some talent, right? Sure enough, when I checked him out on imdb I realized that he also directed an independent flick called “Stranger Than Fiction” a couple of years back, starring Dina Meyer. I may be wrong here but I remember that film to be pretty good, actually. I´m not sure. I may just be talking out of my ass but if that´s the case then this Bross guy has two relatively decent straight-to-DVD-films on his resume and that makes him alright in my book. Keep ´em coming…

However, there is one thing that “Vacancy 2” doesn´t manage to avoid and that is the annoying black character. You know what I´m talking about. Why is it that every time there´s an African-American character (in this case it´s Tanner), he´s has to be making bad jokes and wisecracks the entire time? That´s one thing that you failed to avoid, screenwriter Mark L. Smith! I mean, haven´t we seen enough of this stereotype? Do people still enjoy this? We´re not still living in the 80´s, are we? At least the character of Tanner isn´t as spectacularly over-the-top as that guy in the remake of “The Fog”, so at least we have that to be grateful for.

It´s also a shame about a film like this that since it is a STDVDS it is obviously done on the fly with a very low budget and that means that they have to shoot the damn thing with one of those DV cameras that they use nowadays. I do not like that. Hell, just look at the original “Vacancy”! It looked amazing! I have no idea who was the director of photography or anything like that but whoever it is, they sure did a good job. The poor guy´s who´s the director of photography on “Vacancy 2: The First Cut” doesn´t have that option because he´s forced to shoot with a goddamn DV camera that makes everyone and everything look grainy and shitty and very, very dark! I remember a time when even the straight-to-video-sequels were shot on real film. That was a much happier time… When Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Wesley Snipes still made films that got shown in theatres. Christ, I´m gonna cry now…

Anyway, I think that the makers of “Vacancy 2: The First Cut” should be proud of themselves. It´s one of the better STDVDS´s I´ve seen in a long time and I really hope that this one sells a lot of copies so that they can make another one and then get enough money so that they can centre the whole fucking film about Frank Whaley´s character from the first one. That would be sweet.

So there you have it, folks. As far as straight-to-DVD-sequels go, this is one of the better ones. You can actually watch this one without feeling like you´ve just wasted an hour and a half and enjoy it. Good job, filmmakers!

Until next time,

Thomas